Ayla Book; Chapter 10: All in Sunlight

I was filled with the taste of bitter. Dwelling inside of my core while I struggled with the basic concept of change. It has always been a struggle for me to break free of schedule. Where I feel safe tucked away inside of a warm cocoon of familiarity. Even as a young child I hated the idea of discovery, because with it often came my mother's anger. I needed nothing outside of our clinically clean home. 

Even with our first children, my body would lash against the very idea of changing a second of our routine. Fearful of what unknowns came with kids. Little by little, we adjusted, I more than Cameron who morphed into whatever was required. He has always been a freeform being with no rigid lines like the ones that contain me. I have always been bent in an uncomfortable shape struggling to reach beyond.

With a single strike to my cocoon, I felt a tug. As I raised gold above my head there was the first breath of the wind. The first steps on uncertain feet to cross a brand new threshold. I had once compared myself to standing on the edge of a cliff. The thrill of jumping alone allowed me strength. Now, with a hand to my back, I took the final step. Free falling through the changes that are gently sprouting like spring.

Who I was is now resting in my memories while I begin a new journey through my career, through my life. A new confidence gives me courage because the unknown is pressing in on all sides.

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One victory in the bag, another problem at my feet.

My eyes now track La Andalucera. What is my dear phantom doing? She returned to my side, extending a letter to me. A request to break Joe. It seemed as if all of PWE wished for it. So, as Cameron and I do, loyal war dogs, we broke him. Why did she bring the request back? Who was that person and why did they approach her? Against my back feels a tiny prick as if expecting the worst. Faith is a troublesome tight-rope trek in wrestling. Friends I once considered everlasting faded.

For now, I choose to trust her though I cannot help but question people. As much as I hate those tiny voices of doubt. People are unpredictable. However, I find myself adapting a bit easier.  Even with being pleasantly surprised. In truth, I expected a struggle within my own cult, but there was nothing. Just a friendly smile and an outstretched hand. Where I expected the beginnings of a blood war, I found the tiniest flower resting beneath the ash from the fire I started.

Melissa hums along to a soft song. To our right, Sylas is playing with Hunter. Nothing but lovely melodies prance around as the air fills with the delicate aroma of food. Something sugary lives in the oven right now.

Melissa is cradling my babe, single-handedly while stirring soup. Leo is sound asleep. He barely fussed after she scooped him up, balancing a bottle between her chin and his mouth. Leo ate his fill and then drifted off. It has been four hours. She even found a way to set him down inside of a pack-n-play without disrupting his sleep. He stirred, released a cry, but slipped back into a soundless nap in her arms.

I do not know why his approval of her has struck me so deeply while I slowly sip tea. I don't know I find peace in the laughter echoing from the training room downstairs. Listening to Kanna, Noelle, and Dickie interact while they slowly form steady enough bonds to find a moment of trust. They are not always kind words exchanged but there is a lightness even to Noelle’s sharp tongue.

When did this happen? Just a few weeks ago, I felt so alone. Even a week ago I was desperately clinging to Cameron hoping my own mind doesn’t rip us apart. All it took was a reminder, an admitted night of passion, and the soft giggling of our youngest. Leo cries have slowly begun their transformation. My moods are still wildly out of my control but carefully I navigate them with helping hands. Things don’t magically get better because the process is slow. Yet...

“Looks like you finally got a nap in.” Melissa comments with a playful wink.

I smile. “Yes. Leo is finally finding a sleeping schedule that allows us time to recoup.”

“I’m glad my suggestion worked out for you two.” She adjusts Leo before calling the rest to come to eat.

Dickie and Noelle are in a heated conversation that ends as swiftly as it usually starts. They gather in the kitchen with small musings. I rest back in my chair.

Soon I will be faced with angry wolves upon the door. Monsters I have summoned will come for my head. My eyes stared upon messages between Nathaniel and Enigma. They might amass an army outside my door…They might try to burn what I’ve created. Their misguided attempts to put an end to my plans are... entertaining. The thought brings a smile to my face while I watch Kanna hand Dickie a bowl.

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“I haven’t done this in a while…” The first thing we see is the backdrop of a window and the back of a black leather chair. The camera is lower quality, something you might expect from a laptop. It shifts with a bit of rustling before Tara Ayla sits down. “This was suggested by one of my associates. Finding my roots in order to relate to my next opponent.”

She almost doesn’t look like herself. Her hair is tugged in a lazy up-do and wearing an old Bioshock shirt. Tara adjusts in the seat. “This is foolish.” Her vernacular remains the same.

“Do I have to do this?”

“What’s the harm in trying something new?” A new voice asks before the camera shuts off.

It clicks back on with nothing changed other than her cupping her chin in one hand. “Allen there was a time when you and I were fairly similar. Beyond the regalia, the settings and the theatrics. I had nothing but my thoughts as the backdrop. I can see the appeal where people from all walks of life can relate to your "on the real” with us from week to week. There was no glimpse behind the curtain because you said ‘fuck that’ and never strung one up to begin with. Even now I’m curious about the approach for me, the jokes, and how it all will relate back to our ‘down to earth’ Excellence Champion.”

She leans back. “There is nothing mysterious about you. All laid out for us to pick apart as we choose because that is what we do as a collective. We pick what fits our narratives in that given moment. However, you are a tricky one. You check for the cracks in your foundation leaving the rest of us the appearance of egotistical fools. They don’t catch what you do, but please, for my own sake, don’t bring up my husband.” Tara rolls her eyes. “ I love him. Obviously, but since starting that is the extent of what people notice. Blah, blah, blah about me, blah, blah, blah, about him. Blah, blah, blah we’re married. Congratulations for glancing at our last names. I get it. Some of our motivations are each other, we want the best for each other– but there really isn’t anything else? For fuck sake! People are really doing the bare minimum these days.”

She grumbles under her breath fixing her wedding ring then shakes her head. “Here, let me do the bit to save us trouble: Oh, Damian is your husband. He’s doing things for you and that’s really lame. Also super lame you love him. Something about wrestling but let’s round back to marriage. You guys sure are married! Man in charge ‘cause we are cavemen!”

Tara finger guns the camera. “How was that? Oh, and thank you for letting me vent that in plain as-day terms. Since people don’t really read between the lines even if I spell it out. This has actually been helpful.”

Tara chuckles softly rubbing at her face before dropping her hands. She adjusts something on the desk then straightens up. “Let us begin… with me saying that I’m not just doing a bunch of random shit. I promise. You are a good Champion by keeping your eyes on the rest of the company. I’m sure you’ve noticed probably much more than most others. ( Don’t worry, I’ll circle back to that.) To be fair, it’s easy to lose sight in the dense forest that this company can be. Everyone tucks behind corners, everyone lies, and hides, but you? Your plans have always been blatant. You wanted the title because outsiders did not deserve their shots at it before our original roster had their chance. That was something we agreed on. I was thankful you stood against my husband to point out the flaws in his invitation. The downfall that happened due to leaving our doors unlocked hammered the point home. Admittedly, I felt… saddened by watching those people come in and discredit everything we had built. The very foundation they trampled upon, we made.”

“You brought it up last week. All that boosting on their part led to nothing. In the end, it was still just us…Returning to build PWE again.” Tara looks upward, mouthing something then lowers her head again.

“With my return, I’m sure there were many opinions swirling around me. Even more when I did not do as expected. It has not been acknowledged yet but I feel as if I should address it. The Impulse title– I never lost the title but merely set it back into the pit to soak. Allowing it to be washed in ultra-violence until I chose to lift it back out again. Unfair of me, I know. Rather prideful as well. See, we circled back,” Tara gives the camera a weak smile. “My plans are laid out in perfect synchronicity. Nothing is random, because I want what you do, Allen. I want Pro Wrestling Excellence to be at its best. New names came in capturing my attention. I want to experience just who we have in the company up close, personal, and test their mettle. I don’t want a repeat of what happened last time. Someone slipping through the cracks only looking to destroy this, our home.”

“When one is sitting pretty, our reach is both expansive and limited. A champion, as you know, is a target, a fortress. No longer free to plunge into battles with reckless abandon. There is no climbing because we are suddenly at the peak. From there I can only wait, encourage and pray someone listens. From down here… My hands can freely craft fine tools by… putting them through the flames. Just as you were once born– our roster must traverse the same! They must drag through the grime in order to reach the potential of trying a hand at gold. In short terms: I don’t want a repeat of last time. I care too much to just watch it happen.”

“It is, and always will be, a thankless job. Allen, you are proof of this. Striving in order to better us, and you were repaid with hotdogs with a side of slander. As was our previous champion, Damian (just not the added food). You will break yourself for these people, you will bleed for them, and they will spit in your face.” Her eyes cast themselves sideways while one hand gently rubbed at her mouth. It was obvious that there was a lot on her mind but she continued to speak.

“Watching what you went through reminded me of a phrase: Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Surely you’ve already noticed the pressure upon your neck. The ever-analyzing eyes. It is almost easier to build thrones than sit upon them. There is no room for mistakes, no breaks, and no time for weakness. You, but you…” Tara shakes her head. “It has become apparent that you cannot thrive without failing. You cannot show strength without the forge. Vhodka’s approach was faulty but the core reasoning remains sturdy. There was a moment of weakness and you lost to Jason. This is an old, stale routine that will eventually lead to the end of your run as champion if you can’t evolve. That pattern was true of a few people I’ve already beaten. Relying too heavily on what worked in the past.”

Her fingers began to drum, slowly, on the desk. “I am going to bulldoze through you if your approach to being our top champion remains the same. It isn’t just enough to beat those who wrong you. It isn’t just enough to avenge insults, you have to proactively destroy anyone who comes to your doorstep.” Tara’s hand smacks the desk then her eyes refocus forward.

“I admire you. The familiarity of who you are endears me and that means…you get nothing but the best. Our fight, the one where I aim to maim, to destroy, to see the glory that I've been observing from afar. This match dictates a lot more than you think. It will point me in a direction after I am done with Nathaniel…After I am done with my current objective. For now, think of me as an obedient servant, to offer you gratitude in the only way I know how. I’m going to drag you through the waters again, Allen. Wash the revolting stench of impudence from your body. Even if that means breaking something. You saw what we did to Joe last week, which was absolutely my pleasure to rock his shit. You have seen what I’ve done in every single match I’ve wrestled in this company. Do not think my approach here changes what will confront you once I step inside of that ring. The pit has not consumed you but it is never too late to drown by our own weaknesses.”

“Don’t worry about my cult, by the way. I don’t run them the way Ellie Quinn did hers. They don’t interfere in my matches and right now you aren’t who they are playing with. My eyes are set elsewhere– for now. One day I will be coming to YOUR doorstep to remove the Excellence Title from your shoulder. I’m betting on you, Allen, and you should accept that with some pride. There are only a select few people that I have faith in.”

Tara stood up with a soft scowl. “It isn’t in my plans to lose here…so are you ready? I’m going to make sure, dear Excellence Champion, that you Reach Heaven through Violence.”

She grabs the camera. It shuts off.