[#002] YOU'RE JUST A LOST CAUSE.

❝ YOU’RE JUST A LOST CAUSE. ❞
vs Issak Otto and Paul Monturoi⠀//⠀REBIRTH I.⠀//⠀#002

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YOU'RE JUST A LOST CAUSE
SHE SAID, "I KNOW HOW PEOPLE LIKE YOU END UP"
AND IF I DIE YOUNG, I WAS BORN WITH A TARGET ON MY HEAD
— “LOST CAUSE//” by KennyHoopla, grandson.

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Those were a set of words that he hadn’t heard himself being called in a long time, ‘lost cause’.

A lot of people have clambered at the bit to try and claim that he was those exact words, ‘lost cause’, and on some occasions– they might have been right about it, they might’ve hit the nail on the head with that one, but on other days? They weren’t anywhere near close, records could show exactly that. Though, throughout the past couple of months– he didn’t need to be told that he was that, he didn’t need anyone to speak those words to understand what he might’ve been, he didn’t need to have another person’s opinion to be spoken and to make something become abundantly clear. He was, indeed, the ‘lost cause’ and he needed out of it. It was hard to do so, however, when he became a former shell of himself and stuck wondering what he really is. It was never going to be easy trying to find his footing breathing new fresh air, that’s how he’s feeling right now as he wonders about the next stage of his life. Trying to figure out what he needs to do, trying to figure out how to control this stage of his life, and to figure out how to not allow this to shatter just like things have done so many times before in the past. Just so he could break out of his ‘lost cause’ cycle.

It’s been a couple of months ever since, well, his whole life just seemed to have cracked into pieces. From his entire career taking a whole massive turn and steering completely off course altogether to having been the man left with nothing left coming out of a divorce, it was hard for someone like him to find the right motivation to get back inside of the ring and be the same man that he once was before. Seemed like, no matter where he tried to begin, he’d always fall behind and become the broken down mess he is right now. No matter how much that he tried to bounce right back to becoming himself, he always seemed to crumble under the pressure that there was and let things slip– much like he’s done with so many things within his life. Long walked around his home and found a seat right by the fire, taking a moment to take in the flames that spouted out of the burning blocks of wood within the fireplace, before taking a deep exhale and taking a sip of his hot beverage. The silence was slowly being soaked in, the crackling sounds of the fire were the only thing that he could hear. It felt like, in that moment, that he wasn’t himself– hell, he didn’t feel like anyone. Just an observer, watching over everything that was happening around him, becoming lost in his own mind and wondering where everything had gone wrong. And that he did begin to wonder to himself—what exactly had gone wrong for him to fall down this far.

Was it the constant drug problem that he abused? Was it the short-fuse temper that aggravated him and made him a threat to anyone around him? Was it the constant state of depression that always took over his mind but, for some reason, he always seemed to bottle up until another day that he could try to handle it? A whole lot of questions could be asked on this, a whole lot of questions need to be answered, but he’s unsure if there’d ever be a day that they’d be answered at all.

“The more that you sit there and constantly dig yourself into a deeper hole, the less it’s going to help you try and get back up onto your feet, Jason.” The voice boomed out of nowhere and made Jason shoot up from out of his chair, turning his head around to stare right towards the doorway into the kitchen– and that’s when his eyes widened upon seeing the sight of his close friend standing in that doorway, Tarah Nova.

“You can sit down– Bishop sent me over here because he’s been concerned about you for the past couple of days, ever since what happened in Ireland-”

A disgruntled groaning noise came out of Jason as his face showed a look of disgust, “yeah and we don’t talk about what happened there, alright? I made a choice because I felt like it was what’s best. I’m sure someone like you would understand a feeling like that.” There was a clear feeling growing over Jason, he was beginning to lose his patience– it’s been a feeling that he’s had for quite some time now and it’s been a feeling that he’s never truly been able to shake off, no matter what.

“I doubt you came over for Bishop’s sake– the bastard could’ve come himself if he really wanted to disturb me as it was, unless you’ve snatched his balls and stuffed them somewhere on you, which is why you’re here on his behalf—”

Tarah done her hardest to slap Jason right across the face, force strong enough to almost knock him right out of the chair that he was seated in– he couldn’t believe what had happened, to be slapped by someone that was a close friend of his, this didn’t feel right—hell, none of this felt right, even his own patience with others seemed to have been shot, it’s not likely of him to have used words like what he had spoken to her anyway, not with the kind of respect that he had for her anyway. “I’m sure you don’t need to be reminded that I sure ain’t afraid to hit you if you step outta line– now, what’s this that I’ve been hearing about a certain… drug problem.”

Fuck sake.

If there was anyone that he’d never want to know about his recent addiction, it was her– Tarah was like a parent in a way to Jason, always seemed to have been there for him through anything and was always there to be a shoulder to lean on when he had nobody else to turn to. With these couple of months that have gone by, those moments on her shoulder seemed so distant than ever before– and with that new addiction kicking in, it made him truly become distant to those that wanted to help him when he was at his lowest. For her to be speaking to him about such a thing, it seemed like that he was in some serious shit that he couldn’t have pulled himself out of, as if he wasn’t in enough shit as it was for taking the stuff.

Though, it helps him. Hours of bliss that he couldn’t get from anyone by just talking to them, that’s what he was sacrificing friendships for. That’s what he wanted to do more than anything else– though, with Kore involved with the mix of things and staying around the house, it seemed harder than ever before to actually take anything without being noticed much. Moments like these—where his leg begins to twitch a little before beginning to pick up speed and seems to have been bouncing up and down uncontrollably—that’s when the itch really picks up, just so happens that this is happening right in front of Tarah.

“Mike told you–”

“Yeah, Mike told me everything—he couldn’t believe what he had seen when he walked into here months ago,” she exclaimed, arms crossed and seemingly annoyed at Jason, which – of course – was kind of explainable to begin with. “And I know that it wasn’t your first time being caught with shit like that either, was it? The night of your wedding with Dahli—”

He shot right out of his chair and pointed right towards Tarah, a scowling look along his face as he could feel his blood boiling upon the bare mention of her name, “don’t you ever fucking say her name around this house, never in your fucking life.”

“—fine, but the point stands.”

Jason sighed and shook his head. Tarah knelt right in front of Jason as he sat right back down into the chair, holding onto his hand with both of hers, “you know that you have a lot of people concerned for your own well-being, Jason. And not a lot of people are really willing to come to you because they’re afraid of how you’ll break out right in front of them. Alyssa is one of them, Shouta is another, Mike is right there trying to figure out how to stop you from doing what you almost did last year– and I know that because he still remembers that, he remembers helping you to the hospital that night when you were almost on the brink of stabbing yourself.”

There were tears beginning to build up within his eyes as he had heard what kind of pain he’s brought onto others because of his out-of-control emotions lately, and to even bring up that moment last November– it made him remember a dark time for himself.

“I don’t mean to—”

“Hey now,” she softly said. “I’m just here to try and help you. Trying to drive a wedge between yourself and everyone else isn’t going to help you at all, and you need to stop that as soon as you can, along with that problem you’ve got hooked onto you.” Tarah sighed as she shook her head, “besides– what were you even taking anyway.”

“...ecstasy.”

Her hand was quick to cover her mouth as her jaw dropped. “Jesus Christ.”

Even when her arms being quick to wrap around him, embracing him with a hug to try and cheer him up– it was hard for him to do so, he knew it himself that he wasn’t going to be cleaned up with just someone’s warming love, especially by someone that he saw as a second mother to him. It was going to be hard for him to rightfully bounce back from his own addiction, but it’s all about the steps that he makes along the way, isn’t it? It was one way that he saw it anyway. Jason knew, sooner rather than later, that he’d have to find a way to become clean once again– for those that were there for him, for those that had loved him, and still do, and to those that only wanted to see the best for him.

His worst fear was to be alone when he died, and it seemed like he was close enough to reaching that moment— however, he found a motive once again, he found a feeling to continue on with his life as it is. It may take some time, but maybe this is the bounce back that he needed to keep things going.

To finally break free from being the ‘lost cause’.

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