Legacy 004 - Self

[ Von Wolff American Estate ]

[ Off Camera ]

Irreverent.

Such a simple statement. One that should be of no concern to anyone unless they believed in its validity. To its credit, no one appreciated the implications of the insult. It was low-hanging fruit to snag when dissecting another person but with deadly consequences. For most, it was a default to collapse back onto when there were no other words to say. A typical flex of ego for whoever decided to play the entire deck in a single movement. No one wanted it to ever become true.

It wasn’t true concerning Kanna. If she was truly irrelevant then why bother giving her the opportunities? The logic did not track. She was, by definition, a rookie, who was invited into the main event. She had a chance for the Excellence Championship while plenty of ‘seasoned’ wrestlers were not considered. By Von Wolff's standards, she was already surpassing her siblings. It took each of them a year, if not more, to be in any sort of championship spotlight. This selection brought on a lingering bit of reassurance. All the building blocks previously set had not been done so in vain.

She still lost.

Win or lose, her showing in that match proved potential for Pro Wrestling Excellence to notice. (She still lost) The return of Damian Ayla offered time for Kanna to compete against more wrestlers. Experience is what is lacking the first go around. Whether it be against Allen or Damian for the Excellence Championship she’d find herself with a better foothold. There was no reason to dwell on a single unsavory incident.

She was in a good place. (She still lost.) She was right where she needed to be. (Loser) She was winning matches. (Loser.) She was getting a proper re-match against Issak. (No excuses if you lose) Winning this next match would set up a contenders match. (Don’t lose or it’s the back of the line.) All the tools she needed were provided. (Perfect recall won’t save you.) Already facing him meant she had a better idea of how to win. (Don’t fail again.) This time would be different because now she could solely focus on him. She couldn’t lose because she was born to be

Because all those hours

Because this was the only

Because

(Don’t go back to that room. Don’t go back to that room. Don’t go back to that room. Don’t go back into that room. Don’tgobacktothatroom. Don’tsendmebackintothatroom)

Sickly taste of metallic oozing from her nose was the only thing her senses could identify. She felt like a coin purse overly stuffed with dirty change. Every breath reinforced this image until the sharp rinse of bile enhanced it. Combined with how every deep inhale was met with a sharp blade wedged between her legs, protruding against rib and organ alike. A dizzy orchestra of the wobbly rooms and sharp ringing inside of her ears. She found no sanctuary in anger because there was no energy to even summon that emotion.

Imagining the pain from behind the safety of distance foolishly romanticized it. Lessen the reality of how difficult it was to maneuver through the disappointment. The burning words now properly seared against her skin itched. They had to be scratched raw and bloody just to find any sort of comfort.

She hated so deeply within her core that it burned like acid.

Until she’d run cold. Every single step cautiously tip-toed around her parents. Every action since was desperate to never repeat that ever again. Perhaps her siblings were forged in different metals now. All strengthened by that room.

Or were they broken?

All jagged with sharp edges that shred whatever comes in contact with them. Bitter in touch while they trek towards the mountain of greatness. What choice did they have? What choice did she? Were those her fates? To be whittled down to broken glass, or forged into unrecognizable metal? To be less than she is right now? To be forced onto the ledge where her choices are made from fear or anger?

Kanna tossed the covers off of her body retreating from her overheated bed. The room was too cramped. Her entire body escaped from her for a minute. Floating above her body while intrusive thoughts coiled around like vipers. All she needed was a stroll down the hallway and a little bit of fresh air. Both arms tightly wrapped around her stomach clutching the emptiness. Hadn’t she eaten dinner? The hallway was midnight and only a hint of stars. Kanna felt like five years old again with pacing the house at night. She would wake up with restless legs that needed to be stretched out. A little adventure in the quiet home always fixed the problem.

Only trialing the long hallways in this new house made her feel like a mouse in an unknown maze. No cheese to lead her to any destination though. Kanna wound up in the workout room. All the punching bags were neatly in the corner. Everything was put away with the underlying chemical smell. She sat on a mat finding the cool sensation helpful.

“I figured it was you.”

She was startled when hot breath and cold nose pressed against her cheek. A sloppy lick damped her face! Grabbing the furry head concluded a dog. In the moonlight, the animal appeared white. A smaller breed that appeared to be constructed of pure fluff.

Kanna peered at her eldest brother, Judah. “You’re home?” She tilted sideways to avoid being sniffed further— to no avail.

“You always did enjoy exploring the house when no one else was thought to be awake.” Judah was by far the tallest. In the doorway, he appeared to be a stretched-out phantom coming to take her life. A slender bag rested against the wall. She knew what was in there.

The dog nearly climbed into her lap, offering licks, “Is this your dog?”

Their conversations were always a bit disjointed. Judah focused on what he had to say above everyone else. “You would tell us that it was because your legs felt like ants were crawling in them. It only happened after difficult training sessions. You were always up to their standards, but I don’t think you were ever up to yours.”

“Judah.” Kanna finally managed to wrangle the pup. “Is she yours?”

“No. She’s yours.” His expression was muted by the shadows. “From a client's, but I’ve never been a pet person. Never home, and all.”

A shiver crept down her spine and she hugged the dog close. This poor thing was homeless now because of him. “Name?”

“Lamb.” Judah’s silent approach caused both of them to shrink more into the floor. “Is it worth it?”

“Huh?” Kanna had to readjust when Lamb laid down over her legs.

Judah took his time sitting on the floor so the light could finally catch his eyes. An endless sea of black. Just like their father. “Is wrestling worth it?”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about.” Kanna scowled. Why did her siblings keep asking her similar questions?

His fingers scratched, picked, at his upper lip because the deep scar always seemed to itch. His nail would follow the scar up the left side where it ended just below his eye. “When you were… I want to say ten… You’d always wander around the house. You’d do it when you were younger too, but it happened every single night when the more intense training started. Always the same routine of pacing the hallways. You made such a habit of it that I was able to tell what hour it was by listening for your door to open, and your footsteps. It was like you were searching for something that was hidden somewhere in the house. You only seemed to find whatever it was when you got a bit older. When training became your new routine and our parents convinced you that your dreams were forfeit.”

Kanna felt a hot prick of rage inside of her throat. She pet Lamb’s head.

“You don’t like that, do you?” Judah combed a braid behind her ear. “I can’t tell if you don’t like when we mention it, or if you are starting to realize the truth.”

“And what’s that?” She snapped, stirring the dog.

“That wrestling has consumed your entirety.”

Kanna shook her head. “I enjoy wrestling. I don’t understand you, any of you, and why you continuously bring this up now. Mama and papa trained me to become a wrestler but I chose to keep up with it.”

“Because they told you that was all you could do.”

“No. I like to wrestle! My first match made me realize that I enjoy wrestling! It was fun to meet new people, and test my abilities! The adrenaline from the crowd cheering. The energy was fun. I felt enjoyment out of what I was doing. Even my next match is… exciting. This challenge in front of me is different and I want to prove I can do this. I want to beat Isaak. I…” Kanna frowned, eyeing her brother’s face. He was smiling. “What?”

Judah nodded. He rose to his feet beckoning her to stand up with little flicks of his hand. “So it’s worth it then.” When she stood up then he continued. “The struggling you're finally enduring won’t be so ‘all consuming’ if this is something you want in life. Just be sure to keep up with it for the right reasons. Our family makes it easy to do it for all the wrong ones.”

“Do you think I’m doing it for the wrong ones?” Kanna’s hand remained on Lamb’s head. The dog was already so affectionate.

“Your midnight strolls are all the answers you need.”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

“Mächtige throne werden für das kollektiv errichtet, um größe zu erreichen.”

“From the moment of my birth…”

Dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants, Kanna was unusually casual. She sat crossed-legged on the floor in front of a TV. Almost like a child awaiting their favorite cartoon. Her head rested upon one knee. She needed to be comfortable telling this story.

“My parents planned the future. They did not wait to inform me in two different formulas of what was to come, had been painted, had been coded, for me. My papa offered me legends of the family that once lived, of myths that were rooted so deep into history that it was impossible to know the validity. He would bundle me upon his knee to tell me stories of how I’d contribute to a luxurious legacy. Contrary to his usual methods these were more poetry just for me. He’d build me future palaces to live in and kingdoms to conquer. I would be an unyielding force for whoever stepped in front of me. I would become better than my siblings. Our family’s la bête… He did not want a mindless one, he’d remind me. No, they required a trained one.”

“My mama presented me with schedules. Each one was pristine with highlights and accounted for everything. She met me with spreadsheets that were cold with numbers. The schedules were pinned on my door to remind me of what I was to be doing every second of every day. She’d supervise my activities during ‘free’ periods to judge whether or not I was spending my time wisely. Every meal was monitored and tracked to precise specifications that were to ensure the reality of my future. Nothing was considered insignificant— Not when it came to me.”

A muted video displays on the screen drawing the attention of Kanna. The footage is of a young girl, blindfolded, and in the center of a ring. The child couldn’t be more than eight. She has both palms posed. Two other children circle holding padded shields. One moves forward bumping into Kanna but she remains stabilized. In turn, her palm strikes the center. The boy takes a step backward to avoid another hit. However, Kanna follows him and strikes the pad several more times, tracking his invasive movements. The other boy charges forward to smash into her back. Kanna sidesteps so the two collide together. A chime is heard throughout the room to summon the three into a straight line. Kanna slowly unties the blindfold.

“My papa dreamed of what I could be, and my mama provided realities. They had crafted each of my siblings similarly. Every single one of us was carefully raised with great care from my parents. The only unwritten rule was that we were to perform to what standards they set. If those were not met then more training was provided. Every challenge increased to strengthen us to the pinnacle of what we were assigned.”

“I…”

Another video catches her attention. The film reveals another child Kanna who is balancing on one foot atop a tiny platform. A graying man circles her smacking at her lower legs with a stick. The sharp whipping noise sendings a hiss from the young girl but she does not move. Kanna's hands tremble until another hit is taken by her ankle. There is no tremble in her body even as a thin line of blood appears. She grows ridged.

“I thrived under their scrutiny where a few of my siblings had faltered. They were to be broken down and then rebuilt so they could overcome. This was not the case with me. I never found the challenges impossible to figure out, even when the conclusion was not in my favor. There were times when I could not distinguish whether it was natural skill or a downgrade in pressure. For I did not struggle as my siblings did. I’d watch them flounder, fail, suffer to achieve what I could with some fixed effort.”

A little bit older, Kanna is sparring with a much larger boy. The two of them are in protective gear but it seems to do very little with sparing pain from every single hit. Though he targets her legs, she keeps moving, jabbing him in the chest, the stomach, and the face. He can’t match the speed she displays. Every single hit is marked by a series of different octave chimes.

Another chime sounds breaking the two apart instantly. Both line up while they look upon a small scoreboard. The young boy has lost by a decent margin. His face darkens in quiet frustration, a scowl enhanced by the redness. A bloody lip does not dampen the gleeful smile dawning on Kanna’s face.

“It took me some time to realize that when my siblings called me ‘prodigy’ it was meant to hurt me. They’d mutter it to me after training sessions or when we’d have free time. Despite the discomfort with their abrupt spite in my direction… I found no source of determination nor a detractor from training. It was merely what they called me.”

She shifted on the floor while the screen displayed the newest video. This one was a jumbled one of various fights meshed together. She was inside Von Wolff’s training facility with one of her brothers. The two of them were trading almost hateful blows. He knocked her sideways, she recovered and then tackled him straight to the floor. The series was interrupted by Kanna in another place wrestling a woman. The two circled each other until an armbar wrangled the woman. Kanna transitioned it into a lariat to knock the woman over.

Kanna was running on a treadmill with connecting wires and a woman standing behind her taking notes down. The footage changed to several people inside of a wrestling ring with Kanna. The clattering of bodies made it difficult to fully track where Kanna was. Despite the numbers, she was never fully beaten down.

The scenes continued onward switching between training and actual fights. Highlights of what she experienced throughout her teenage years. She’d appear bloody, bruised, worn, but never completely beaten.

“Issak, that is what I want you to understand. What I want the others to understand. Why my two other opponents had nothing to say, I do still have other voices ringing in my head. Allen’s and yours. Assuming that because I did now claw through this company I hadn't earned enough. Somehow I had not suffered enough. It still doesn't make sense and it doesn't sit right with me. Both of you assumed what I said was from a place of unfounded confidence, or just words to boost my ego. I said them, reiterated, but they never came across correctly. So here it is… More black and white, as it were. You might’ve spent most of your life training and put everything into wrestling. I was born to be trained to wrestle. It is my everything. That is what needs to be clear— You have a life outside. This is my life. What I wake for, what I breathe for, what my parents had me for. When I speak of my skill—it is fact. Not some self-inserted opinion.”

Kanna turned off the TV before standing up. Her neck cracks as a sigh leaves her.

“That is the difference. Not skill, not motivation, not even experience, but how we breathe. And what we breathe for. The Excellence title is just to round out your global run. It is to add another notch on your belt so you can discreetly feed an ego of your own. Say whatever you want but let us not lie. You simply want to claim every single continent because you love this sport. Selfish, even if you garnish it with kind words. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, I'd wager that you're in a similar boat to many others. There comes a time when there are no other measurements for what you accomplished unless it is being 'the face.' You learned that long ago, didn't you? This is why you'll try everything to be in line for the Excellence title. Why... you think you deserve that opportunity. In some ways, this is the same for me. There are no other measurements other than holding that Championship. However, for me? Understand— it is to build something for my family. It is my entirety. It is for more than ego...”

She walks towards the exit. The hoodie, of course, has the family name printed in swirling letters. Her hand swipes down on the light switch to turn them off. Leaving it almost impossible to see Kanna.

“You once called it arrogance… but you will see what it truly is.”

Kanna looks back with an intense stare.

“My victory."

The scene cuts.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·


[ Off Camera ]

They were never mine to begin with. Not really. They were fed to me over time until I realized that it was all I’d ever do. One track for me to run until I eventually couldn’t anymore. This is not bad. Most people wander around with nothing and no idea on what to do. Even when they are determined to achieve a goal, throughout the process, they are lost. I’ll never experience that.

So I am grateful.

Grateful that even though my life might never be lived for myself that there is purpose. A small gear in my parent’s great machine. While Jennifer abandoned the idea entirely, there are parts of her that don’t fit anymore. She knows it. Even when trying to tell me to do more, be more, and convince me to leave this. We both know that my gear, despite the size or age, is far too important to be removed. Perhaps that is a bit… arrogant on my part to believe it. To take my parent's word at face value. That I was to be something wondrous. Our legacy would be… more because of me. All on the fact that I had never failed them before.

It was easier when I knew deep down I could always be what they wanted. Now there are too many questions… If I fail them again, what next? I already know. I don’t really need to ask but there’s some comfort in doing so. Perhaps I can muster another path. When there is only one place for my feet to follow then what can I do? I don’t know. Then again, the answer is pretty simple…

Everything in my body, all of my strength, every breath, and just so I don’t repeat failing again. All I have to do is defeat a veteran. Now he won’t be the first one I beat so the intimidation has decreased. Isaak is the first to defeat me in PWE and I don’t want that to happen again. Not because he wasn’t worthy of it. It just isn’t okay. I wish I knew why. I wish I could pinpoint why I don’t want him to win again. Beyond the discomfort with my parents if I didn’t. If I completely remove them the desire to win doesn’t go away. Isaak did me a service in providing some insight. Even if it isn’t completely clear yet. Even as I continuously sort through it over and over.

Maybe some part of me wants to make Isaak proud, or is it as simple as making myself proud? I want to show progress. I have made some… I know I have.

If this isn’t for my parents, or just to avoid that room. Could I have this victory for myself?

If it is… Is it wrong?