JMONT- Champ at home, Champ in PWE and soon WORLD CHAMP!!!

[Everyone talks about longevity in any business. From Sports to Music to TV. It is very difficult to make something last & work nowadays. You have so many one hit wonders & failures. You have the draft class that comes up with all the hype & just chokes & vanishes into the thin air. But what we have here today is a TV Show & a Man that have faced many challenges, obstacles & pressures.]

[Let’s start off with the TV show we are talking about. Impractical Jokers! Starting its 10th season, you would think they would be off the air right now based on all the jokes & punishments that everyone sees on TV. You know how hard it is to make it 10 seasons in the same city? You also know how hard it is to come up with new jokes & punishments for every season? Being recognized everywhere you go in New York makes it hard to do a lot of these challenges, but these men get the job done. But now, there is a new challenge for them. Sal, Murr, Q & Joe are four friends & former classmates. They have done this all together since day 1. But now with Joe leaving the show, things will get a little harder. And that is why in their new season, they are bringing on a new person every show to keep the excitement alive. Which now brings us to the man who can compare to them when it comes to longevity in his career.]

[The man we are talking about is one that has 20 years in the wrestling business & a hall of fame resume to go with it. So many titles, he lost count. So many big match wins you would need a 10 part documentary to see them all. Even with all the ups & downs, thanks to his big mouth & cocky attitude, he is still one of the best in the business at the age of 42. Some would say right now, he has looked the best he has in a while. Maybe that’s because he has a daughter on the way at any moment. Or maybe because Mia is up his ass. Or better yet, maybe Chris Page has finally gotten through to him. Whatever it may be, we are talking about JMont. ]

[And why would JMont & Impractical Jokers be mentioned in the same sentence? Simple! Both are successful at what they do in their careers with longevity. Just when you might think they are down & out….BOOM! You were wrong. So what better way to have one of the best shows of all time & one of the best sports entertainers of all time come together. That’s right. You heard it here first. JMont will be the next special guest on the show, Impractical Jokers.]

Schlesinger Group-NYC
711 3rd ave 9th Floor
New York, NY

[This is where the Jokers & JMont will be having their challenge shot today. It is one challenge, but it’s going to be an old school classic game. The Name Game. And why was this place chosen? Simple! They are one of the best in the city when it comes to answers to business questions & insight. They do a lot of focus groups to hear what the people have to say, & use that information to gain insight.]

[The reception area looks pretty full, only a few chairs empty. You got a very diverse crowd in the room today. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, you see Murr, Q & Sal. They have their ear pieces in & are all laughing currently. They see JMont sitting in a receptionist chair, a site no one would ever expect to see.]

JMont: I know I look good, but doesnt the receptionist usually have blonde hair and big tits?

[The Jokers all start to crack up, but Sal is the one to intervene.]

Sal: You have to watch certain things you say.

JMont: If i was single, i would FUCK your sister Jenna, but im taken.

[The smile that Sal had is gone, & Murr with Q needs to restrain Sal from going on the set. I mean come on. Would Sal really stand a chance against J Mont? There is a better chance of Justin Bieber being friends with Austin Ramsey. But, as Sal calms down, JMont cracks his neck & gets himself ready for what should be a very interesting name game.]

Q: Are you ready to see how hard this is?

JMont: I say a few funny names and win. Simple to me.

Murr: Wait til you see some of these names.

JMont: Bring it. Just remember, at the end of the day, I'm the greatest at anything I do. Wrestling, Sports, Comedy.

Sal: I bet Allen Chaney beats your ass.

JMont: Still a little salty there Sal?

[Finally, things are starting to get in order. Everyone is calming down & getting into place. The people that are sitting around are starting to get a little unsettled.]

JMont: Everyone, I got a list here and will be calling out some names. When I call your name, you may go in and do your thing. If I don't call your name, please stay seated until called.

Random Fat guy: Aren’t you JMont?

JMont: Why would you think that? My name is Shawn Watson.

Random Fat Guy: If you say so.

[The fay guy takes a seat as does JMont. He reaches over & grabs the papers that were left for him. There are about 6 pieces which means 6 names he has to read off without laughing.]

JMont: [Grabs the first piece and sees the name. He drops his head into his arms. Trying to hold the laughter in.] D……

Sal: Come on hot shot. You have said this name a million times. Shouldn't be that hard for you.

JMont: Dic……Is there a DICKLESS DANE here?

[The room has a few laughs while the others look around like….”Did i hear that right?”]

JMont: If there is no DICKLESS DANE, I will go onto the next.

Murr: Enjoy this one bud.
JMont: [Grabs the next piece of paper & his eyes light up.] Ummm……Ur…In…Trouble…. Is there a URINE TROUBLE here?

[The jokers are dying in the background while JMont holds in his laughter once again. But the people are starting to get a little frustrated here.]

Random Ugly Woman: No one has a first name Urine.

JMont: Maybe yours is Urina?

[The random ugly woman sits back down in disgust.]

JMont: [Onto his third piece of paper.] You guys. Thank you. This one is definitely for me. I wonder who peaked in the bathroom and checked me out? I think it was Sal.

Sal: Would you get back to the show already?

[Everyone looking at JMont as if it looks like he is talking to himself currently.]

JMont: [Stands up for this one.] Is there a Giuseppe Gottabigdong?

[JMont starts to walk towards the door accepting the name that it's him.]

JMont: Yes everyone, i gottabigdong so sucks to be you.

[He makes a U turn & sits back at the desk. The people don't look too humorted. But it could be worse. It could be an Allen Chaney show where everyone falls asleep and drools.]

JMont: [Grabbing his 4th piece of paper. Looking at it, he raises his hand over his mouth. Truly trying to hold in the laughter. He wants to win this game.] Holden here?

JMont: Holden Afart. Is there a Holden Afart here?

[This time around, he has a huge smile on his face but no laughter. People this time around are actually laughing & talking about timing. The man who was wearing the Holden Ross shirt was about to sit down when he let out AFART.]

Man Wearing Holden Ross Shirt: You know where the bathroom is?

JMont: Down the hall, to the right. You def Sharted yourself my friend.

[The guy wearing a Holden Ross shirt quickly makes his way towards the hallway. One hand on the back of his ass not wanting to let go. Now that he is gone, the game can get back in order.]

JMont: Kinda reminded me of Allen Chaney after eating 5 Taco Bell Buck Boxes.

Sal: I can't wait to watch Chaney beat your ass.

Murr: Guys, we still have a game to play here.

JMont: Only thing Chaney is beating is SaL’s penis..

[Things are getting heated but the show must go on.]

JMont: [Looking irritated now, he grabs his 5th piece of paper.] Ok, i know this has to be for Sahara. Is there a Shirley here…….Shirley Itsaboobjob?

[The woman with the fake boobs in the room sees everyone looking at her as she covers up & looks offended.]

JMont: Maybe Sahara Itsaboobjob?

[Still no response from the people or a laugh from J Mont.]

Q: He is about to pull a Joe Gatto & not laugh at all and win this game.

Sal: There is no way he doesn't laugh at this last name.

Murr: I think we may have found our new JOE for this show.

JMont: [Pulling the last piece of paper, & looking at it, he smiles.] WOW! [He looks at the paper again & lays it back down. His face is bright red. He is about to burst into laughter. The Jokers may have finally got him.] Is there……..Amanda D…..

[It’s about to happen. JMont has a look on his face like he just wants to let out a laugh, but he holds it in.]

JMont: Amanda D.P. Throat? Amanda? Is there a Deep Throat?

[Wow, the ladies in the room just got up & left. The guys look disappointed that all the ladies left. The man wearing the Holden Ross shirt walks back in after his bathroom break.]

Man Wearing Holden Ross Shirt: Where the lady with the fake boobs go? I was about to ask her for her number.

JMont: If you want a lady with boobs & a phone number, just call Allen Chaney of the PWE. He will fit the bill for you. But I'm out of here. You all make me sick.

[JMont walks around the desk & into the back where everyone from the production team is. The Jokers can't help but give JMont a standing ovation as he went through the whole Name Game not laughing once. Putting up one of the best shows to date when it comes to this particular game.]

Murr: You're a natural JMont. Maybe Joe Gatto should be Joe Montuori now.

Sal: I would leave the show & you would have to find another Sal.

Q: Would everyone just stop it?

JMont: Finding a fat italian guy to replace Sal in NYC is easy. I can just get my Uncle Vincenzo to do it.

[JMont walks over & starts to shake the hands of Q & Murr. Stopping at Sal, he just shakes his head & keeps walking to the door, but turns around one last time.]

JMont: Thank you to the production team here & to the Jokers for allowing me this great opportunity to be on another show.

[JMont does the B Rabbit with his back turned & throws up the deuces as he walks off the set after doing his job.]

15 MINUTES LATER

[JMont is seen getting into his G Wagon. It sure seems like lately he has been putting a lot of miles on it but what does he care. It’s only money. Something he makes everyday with ease. While getting himself comfortable in the G Wagon, he pushes down on the brake with his foot & pushes the push start button. Right away after, he hits the bluetooth button on the steering wheel which brings the voice activation on.]

JMont: Call Wifey.

[You can hear through the speakers the phone ringing. And Mia is not like Allison. She answers on the first ring whereas Allison would wait four or five times. JMont is so glad that part of his life is over with.]

Mia: Hey babes.

JMont: Hey love. I'm leaving the set & on the way home. Can’t wait to just lay down with you & relax. It was a lot of fun doing the show, but that Sal is a fuckin tool.

Mia: He goes by Prince Herb now I think.

JMont: He is a Herb for sure, but I will be home soon. Just wanted to give you an update.

Mia: Be safe, love you & the baby does too.

[The call ends & JMont is on his way home. Now the PWE is his new home when it comes to wrestling, but when it comes to family, Mia & his daughter is the home he only cares about.]

JMont: Well, I sure do hope that Mr Allen Chaney sees this episode of Impractical Jokers & takes some notes. I'm not sure what kind of student he was in school, but it seems like he was the class clown which means he didn't accomplish a lot there, but maybe as he got older he wised up a little. But I doubt that too. He thinks everything is a fuckin joke. One of the main reasons I did this show was to prove to “The Comedian'' that I can do anything I put my mind to. I was glad that they picked the Name Game too so Allen can see first hand that this is not a laughing matter when it comes down to me & him in the ring. World Champion vs Impulse Champion. The two hottest names in the PWE today are going head to head. PWE bookers know where the money is, & that’s having J Mont on the show & in the spotlight. Now Allen, I want you to study that show carefully & see that not one time did I blow my cover & laugh. Because when that bell rings, I won't be laughing. The THOUGHTZ in my head are going to be of, KILL CHANEY & prove why i should be the number 1 contender to your World Title. If you want to laugh at something, laugh at the fact the PWE missed the boat when they didn't make this Title vs Title.

[As he makes a sharp right hand turn, not even looking to see if a car is coming, JMont accelerates the G Wagon & continues on the current straight road.]

JMont: Man do I feel like Bill Elliott driving this G Wagon. 2 time Daytona 500 winner. There is only 1 Bill in this world worth mentioning & it's this man. I can’t believe Allen would sit here & devalue the name Bill by naming his cat that. There are so many other names he could have chosen. Oliver. Leo. Bella. Luna to name a few. But NO, he had to choose the name Bill. Hey Chaney, just for that, I'm going to make sure when I hit you with a JKO, I give a special shout out to Bill Elliott & apologize to him for what you did by naming your cat that. But as I sat here behind the driver's wheel, something else crossed my mind as I drove through the streets of NY. It would be funny, & I think I might even LAUGH this time if I called my boys from the Cosa Nostra & had them steal your precious little BILL. Then I think things wouldn't be that funny to you. This is no laughing matter Allen. I am going to do everything in my power to make sure you realize that JMONT is the new face of PWE & the man that everyone is going to look up to. The shots have been fired already. You see, I'm aligned with LCP, one of the head bosses here. I got his back & he has mine. Things are changing. And one of the first big changes being made is when I beat you at Victory XIII, I'm going to get a rematch, but this time for the World Title. And then I'll beat you again & become a double champ here. With that power & LCP at the helm, there is no stopping us.

[JMont sees a hot dog stand on the side of the road as his stomach growls, but he knows he needs to get home to Mia.]

JMont: Speaking of food & gaining weight, makes me think of my Uncle Vincenzo. A Loud mouth, old school Italian guy with some pounds behind him. He used to tell me stories about back in the day how everyone called him fat & out of shape & would only run after the ice cream truck. Sure it bothered him, but he told me he got over it by developing a sense of humor about it. And low and behold, he was the funny fat guy. But let me tell you something about the funny fat guy. No one in a million years would expect him to fuck you up. You would think about the jokes he spews & the ones he would take on the chin. But people would forget that while he is being funny, that he has all those pounds built up that can be used for more than a joke. So after a while, people started to take him seriously. They laughed at his jokes, but the jokes about him stopped. I guess this flashback makes me think about Allen Chaney & my Uncle Vincenzo. Allen’s punches & splashes have some weight & power behind them. I would be a liar if I told you I didn't think that would be a problem. He knows how to use that to his advantage as well as his undercover ring speed that he possesses. There is a reason he is the champion & I cannot take that away from him, but also, he is stepping into the ring with a 6 foot 5, 255 pound TWIZTED INSANE man too. Hopefully the ring holds up when we collide cause i got a strong feeling that someone is going through the ring. And spoiler alert, it's not going to be me……

[JMont really now has his thoughts on that hot dog stand he passed a few minutes ago as he gets hungrier but also closer to home as well.]

JMont: My hunger to be the best has never been higher. I got so much motivation behind me to be at the top of the mountain. Anything I do now is for Mia & my daughter who will be here soon enough. Sure, back in the day I did it all. But today is a new era. There is new talent. New Feds. New wrestling families. I consider this a chance to embark on the JMont 2.0 journey & make some new memories & records. When I signed with PWE, I knew this would be my new home. I just felt that when I signed my name on that contract. Being one of the highest paid guys in the wrestling business today to the main event matches. And don't get me wrong, because I already know all the naysayers & Chaney are going to come out & tell me that i got some big losses in the last few months. Yes i have lost some big matches, but i also have won some big ones too. The loss that stings the most is to Dane Preston, the man that Allen just beat in the middle of the ring. But, that's good for me because I'm sure now Allen thinks he has the upper hand & that i shouldn't be a problem to him. Please think that way Allen. I want you to think I'm a walk in the park & not a challenge to you. So when I beat you, I can just LAUGH & tell you that you are a part of my new chapter now & another name added to the list. But before I put the horses before the cart, I'm going to make sure I study that match you had with Dane & the one I had with Dane. Between those 2 matches, I know I'll find the moves & information I need to keep you down & be the man to take the Champion to the limit. Enjoy being at the top right now Allen, because your days of Champ are coming to an end.

[And speaking of the end, JMont is almost home.]

JMont: Speaking of home. I know everyone is jealous of my home life with Mia that i have built as well as my work home with the power that myself & LCP have built. Needless to say, I love all the hate & jealousy I'm getting because of this. I hope it keeps raining like that because I wont even want to use an umbrella. Let it all come down. I love it. End of the day, PWE is my HOME, my SHOW, & my RULES. If you beg the differ, please shut me up then. And for the record, plenty have tried already & they all have failed. JKO after JKO. Man down. Woman down. Cat down. Get in my way & feel the TWIZTED side of me.

[And speaking of getting in the way, JMont taps the visor so that the gate can open up so he can get through & park the G Wagon. Driving through, the gate closes behind and all of a sudden, he stops short.]

JMont: Jesus christ…….

[It moved so quick, you couldn’t tell if it was a cat, possum, or rabbit, but whatever it was is gone & JMont just missed it.]

JMont: Damn BILL….i saved your life there but i can't say the same for Allen. He will learn the motto I entered this business with. Blood, Sweat and Tears. Meaning, I will do whatever it takes to make sure I'm successful & win this match. Am I underestimating him? No. Do I think he has a chance to beat me? .0000000000001% but there is a chance. But wait, what is all that 1 in a million talk? Ok, hes not Lloyd Christmas but he is definitely Dumb if he thinks hes walking out of this match the winner & definitely Dumber if he thinks hes going to stay World Champion as long as im around. Maybe it's time Allen gets a dog, because after i show the world i'm the real champion, he's going to go home, be depressed & need a friend. Maybe a German Shepherd is a good idea this time around. You can name him William.

[Finally, a LAUGH from JMont as he exits the parked G Wagon. Speed walking to the front door because he is ready to eat & see his future wife. He opens the door & walks in and no sooner than he closes the door, Mia’s voice comes from in the living room.]

Mia: Is that you, Joe?

JMont: The one & only!

Mia: Oh thank God. Come rub my feet for me?

JMont: You did wash them right babe?

Mia: Really, Joe? I don’t leave the house to even be able to get them dirty. Asshole. Just nevermind.

JMont: What happened to your sense of humor babe? I just had a great show with the Jokers, so I guess I'm still on cloud nine joking around. I'm sorry! You know I love you & will gladly make sure your feet are massaged & you feel relaxed.

Mia: Sorry, babe. [She sighed.] It’s just that I feel big & fat and my feet are so swollen they look like hobbit feet.

JMont: Babe, you are carrying our daughter. You're not big & fat. You are beautiful & mine forever. But I am curious if your feet are as big as Shaquille Oatmeal’s now.

Mia: Don’t make me kick you with my hobbit feet. [She laughs.]

[JMont takes a seat on the couch, leans over & gives Mia a big kiss. He then proceeds to move his hands towards her hobbit feet & starts to massage them.]

JMont: Happy ending babe?

Mia: Sure, I’ll take one. [She laughs.]

[JMont continues to massage her hobbit feet. And as he does, he looks right into the eyes of Mia.]

JMont: You know once our baby girl is here, the wedding is next.

Mia: I haven’t even thought about where to have it.

JMont: I have been given many ideas from Page, Vhodka, Austin & a few others. But I want it to be where you want it because it’s your day to shine.

Mia: Thanks to Voo & Page we can’t run off to Vegas & get married by Elivs.

JMont: I wouldn't want that for you. I want a BIG wedding for you. There is no cost or expense to stop us from having a dream wedding. When I say “I DO” it's forever. You & Baby GMont.

Mia: Good, because the only way you’re getting out of this marriage is death.

JMont: Have you been talking to Uncle Vincenzo? HAHA!

Mia: I have, he’s been telling me all about how to keep you in line.

JMont: You sure it's not all the bullshit texts you have been getting from ATTY whenever I step foot into the Rabbit?

Mia: We’re just keeping you on your toes.

JMont: Things have been great babe. You saw my movie came out. Got another endorsement deal. Main Event in OPW, IIW & PWE. Golden Ticket from Denzel. We are ready to move into our 15 million dollar mansion. I'm definitely on my game and toes to speak. And about to knock off the World Champ Allen Chaney too.

Mia: My baby, I am so proud.. Of… [She gets a strange look on her face.] …you.

JMont: [Grabs Mia’s hand.] What's wrong love?

Mia: Either my water just broke… or I pissed on the couch.

[JMont gets up & walks over to the desk close to where they were sitting. He opens a drawer going through it looking for something.]

Mia: What are you doing babe?

JMont: If you pissed on the couch, I'm checking to see if the Warranty covers that or if I need to get a new couch.

Mia: I think we need a new couch, I don’t like the color of this one.

JMont: So you pissed yourself then?

Mia: I don’t know, Joe, fucks sake I’ve never had a baby before.

J Mont: Only baby I have had was the fake one from that crazy woman in Miami. Should I call VooDoo?

Mia: No, no.. Doc said at the last visit, to go to the hospital. I think it’s time, Joe. Go grab the bags.

JMont: You were already packed? You must have had a gut feeling babe.

Mia: I’ve had the bags packed for two months now. You’re always supposed to pack early, Joe.

JMont: Honestly, I thought you packed bags to leave because of all the texts Atty & others were sending you. I'm glad it was for the hospital.

Mia: You really are a pain in my ass. I’m gonna need you to go get the bags out of Gia’s room, I am going to go change into something dry.

JMont: You want me to grab a diaper for you while I'm in there?

Mia: You want me to beat you with it? [She said nothing else as she made her way back to their room to change.]

JMont: Love you baby!

Mia: Yeah, I hear ya.

JMont: I may kid around a lot like a COMEDIAN babe, but at the end of the day, I will do anything for you and the baby.

Mia: Then will you go and get the bags? Jesus…

JMont: FINE! [Mumbles under his breath.] I'm not the one that pissed my pants like Sahara after a drunk night at the Rabbit.

Mia: Nothing’s wrong with my hearing, Babe, I can hear just fine.

[Mia went to change into dry clothes & JMont went to baby GMont’s room and grabbed the two bags out of the closet.]

JMont: Jeez, what did she pack in here?

[JMont walked back out to the living room & put the bags by the door.]

JMont: Babe, maybe I should cancel the match? I should be with you.

[Mia comes out of the bedroom, dressed in a long flowing gown.]

Mia: Are you out of your mind, Joseph Montuori?

JMont: Babe, I don't want to leave your side in case something happens. I know this is a big match in the Main Event against the World Champion, but it’s not for the title. I know I can beat him, but there are more important things to worry about right now, like you & the baby.

Mia: No, Joe. I won’t have it. [She crossed her arms over her chest.] You will fight in that match. We’re gonna go & have this kid and then you’re going to go & win this match. Do you understand?

JMont: I guess you better tell your family & friends to call Vegas & bet on me because this match is for you & baby GMont. And after I knock off the CHAMP, he will have to give me a title match. Then, I can win that World Title, & bring it home to our family. Double Champ & Dad coming soon to the house babe.

Mia: Good, because I won’t have people talking shit about you for missing the match because of me. [She reaches up and pulls him down & gives him a quick kiss.] Now can we go have this kid. I am tired of carrying her & want to be able to see my feet again, even if they look like hobbit feet.

JMont: Let’s go have our daughter GMont. And one more thing babe. Please don’t get the passenger seat in the G Wagon wet please.

Mia: [Mia elbows Joe in the stomach & walks to the front door.] Asshole. I am gonna make sure Gia’s first word is Mama for that one.

[And on that note, Mia & JMont are on their way to the hospital to start their family. A baby girl & a win over the World Champ is a week no man can never forget. And that’s the week JMont is about to have.]

“EVERY CHILD DESERVES A CHAMPION, AN ADULT WHO WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON THEM, WHO UNDERSTANDS THE POWER OF CONNECTION, AND INSISTS THAT THEY BECOME THE BEST THAT THEY CAN POSSIBLY BE.”----RITA PIERSON

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