"Time To Beat Off a Pussy!”

Chelsea had done it! After several long months of grinding away she had finally scored her first win in a PWE ring by pinning Ruby Steele in the Triple Threat Match! But for this young lady the excitement was just beginning as she was booked in the opening contest of the very first PWE event of 2022, who was her opponent? Who will prove to be Chelsea’s obstacle between her and getting that second win?!

A cat, her opponent was Ollie Dorito, a match that stemmed from Chelsea venting on Twitter about Ollie being announced before her all the way back in August (when PWE were still announcing their initial roster) but the matter was seemingly dropped after a day, did that stop the PWE brass from booking the match? NO! They went and booked a former Olympic hopeful turned wrestler against PWE’s favourite feline despite Chelsea repeatedly offering to sub in her Black Lab Puppy Valkyrie for her in this match! Can Chelsea win?! Oh, who are we kidding, she’s fighting a cat!

Studio 11, Chicago, Illinois
Monday the 20th of December 2021, 14:00pm

I still can’t believe it.

What? You think I’m talking about my win? Please, I knew that win would come eventually! It’s just the follow up match that I can’t believe! It’s a match against Ollie Dorito, who is Ollie Dorito you ask?

Oh, just the owner’s cat, no I’m not kidding!

So how did I get into this mess? How did a former Olympic level athlete turned wrestler find herself opening the first Victory of the year with a match against a cat? Well, like most bad things it started on Twitter! During the lead up to the Triple Threat Match that I won on the last episode of Victory I vented about said cat being announced before me! And they announced me last for fuck’s sake! Me, someone who’s outlasted most of the guys and gals they announced before me including my ex (insert your own sex jokes about that fact here) and well, my pented up frustrations boiled over.

A day later and whilst I didn’t delete the tweets I made, I did change my profile name on Twitter and removed all references to the match from the account, I thought that was it, I didn’t realize that it would lead to me wrestling a cat!

And for those in the audience tempted to joke about me handling pussy, go ahead, I’ve been openly bi since my PWE debut and I’m in a lesbian relationship! Hell, Sarah herself has already made several jokes about this fact!

”Ugh, how am I supposed to do this?!” I grunted in frustration in the middle of my guitar lesson with Taylor. ”Not the chords we’ve been practicing, I think I’ve got a good grip on them by now! I’m talking about my next PWE Match!”

“The one against the owner’s cat?” Taylor asked and I gave my teacher a significant look as if to say, “what else would I be talking about”. “I’ve been a wrestling fan most of my life but I’ll admit, wrestling a cat is not something you encounter every day.”

“If wrestling a cat IS something you encounter every day, you either live with a feral cat or a weird society, take your pick!” Julian chimed in as he jammed with his boyfriend Trent, playing his bass whilst Trent played on his drumkit. “And no, we’re still not rooting against that cat! We don’t care how cute your puppy is, it’s still a full grown woman taking on a cat!”

”You realize that I could fire you for that right?” I joked and the two gay guys laughed before flipping me off playfully. ”Seriously though, that’s why I want to sub in Valkyrie! At least a ten week old puppy vs. a full grown cat is a fairer match than me vs. a cat!”

”A ten week old Labrador puppy! And since that match is taking place in January, Valkyrie’s going to be a lot bigger by then!” Sarah pointed out and I groaned in response upon realizing that no, I really couldn’t win in this scenario. ”I know Labs are lovely dogs and friendly as anything but they can get pretty big once they get up to adult size.”

“Yeah and didn’t Chloe say that Valkyrie was the runt of her litter?” Taylor added and I shook my head.

”Only because the actual runt died during the birth, the breeder’s still not sure what happened there.” I responded with a sad sigh before quickly deciding to change the subject. ”I know it’s not saying much but does anyone have a topic of discussion less depressing than dead puppies?”

”What’s your follow up question? A worst president than Trump?” Sarah scoffed in response and we all shared a laugh at that one. ”Seriously though, there’s no way your ending 2021 by losing to Ollie right?”

”Actually my last match of the year is against Victoria Salinas in Level Up, otherwise? Nah!” I corrected my girlfriend before turning to Taylor. ”How about we just pick up where we left off?”

“Sounds good to me.” Taylor nodded in agreement before we resumed practice.

Chelsea and Sarah’s basement recording studio, Chicago, Illinois
Monday the 20th of December 2021, 18:00pm

*promo time*

Moments that make you question your life choices.

”When I signed with PWE back in August, I had some expectations of my time in the company, a chance to show the world what I could do? Check, wrestle some of the best in the business? Check, find a boyfriend only to dump him a few months later when his true colours came out? Okay that one I didn’t expect but that’s a damn good Segway into talking about something else that I never expected to happen: WRESTLING A FUCKING CAT!”

Seriously!

”What the hell do I even say to a felis cattus, or common house cat, it’s not like that THING can respond to my trash talk with anything other than a disinterested meow! I guess I could compare it to more successful cats in popular culture or something……….you know what? Fuck it! That’s what I’m doing, unless someone comes up with a better idea this trash talk will be spent comparing Ollie Dorito to famous cats!”

This is what my wrestling career has come too!

”And at the top of the list is Tom from Ton & Jerry who is somehow better at catching mice than Ollie Dorito! Anyone who’s seen Tom try to hunt Jerry in literally any of the classic shorts and animated movies, not counting the first one because that movie is shit, knows that Tom is really, REALLY inept at doing what cats are usually used for: dealing with mice! And is Ollie any better? NO!”

Oy vey!

”Next up on the list is Garfield and sadly yes, Ollie manages to be lazier than the cat who loves lasagne and hates Mondays! And now I’m worried that the SCP based on Garfield is going to come after me so thanks Ollie, thanks for potentially dooming me to a horrific death at the paws of a monstrosity based on Garfield! And you know what? Gorefield is still a better cat than you!”

I’m never living this promo down.

”Two more than I’ll wrap up because I can only take the fact that I’m wrestling a cat for so song! Ollie, have you ever watched The Lion King with your owners? The original, not the shit remake? Yes? Well, I could compare you to the main villain of the film Scar but no, I’m actually going to say that Timon is a better cat than you and I’m not even sure if Meerkats belong to the same family as domestic house cats! Did I seriously just say that during a wrestling promo? Fuck it, the fact that I’m wrestling a cat is weird enough!”

I didn’t notice Sarah bringing in our pet puppy at that moment.

”The last cats I can think off is basically the whole cast of The Aristocats! No, I didn’t remember that Disney Movie either until I saw it on Disney+ the other day and honestly? I could’ve used the main character from Oliver and Company instead but that movie’s actually good! And now I’ve got “Why Should I Worry” stuck in my head, thanks Ollie, thanks a lot! But at least I know my second win will be an easy one!”

It was at that point that Sarah let Valkyrie in to see me and after stroking the Labrador puppy for a bit I got an idea before picking her up and propping her on my knee.

”You’ve probably seen me talking about her on Twitter but this is Valkyrie!” It was at that point that my concentration went out the window because Valkyrie started licking my face. ”Never work with children or animals, and never wrestle animals either for that matter! My point is, I am willing to sub in my dog to “wrestle” in my place because otherwise? This match is a lose-lose situation for me!”

It’s that simple.

”Seriously, think about it! If I lose to Ollie then the wrestling world will know me as the wrestler who lost her second match to a fucking cat! If I win, I get to be known as the wrestler who won her match by beating the shit out of a cat! Definitely brings a new meaning to the phrase “Time to Beat of a Pussy” doesn’t it, Ollie? I can only hope that I can bribe you with catnip and pin you with a belly rub!”

And with that I decided to wrap things up?

”Do cats like Belly Rubs? I don’t know, I’ve only ever owned dogs as pets and by the way Ollie? Dogs are better than cats any day of the fucking week! Dogs will go crazy for you if you return home from, well anything really but especially if you’ve been away or a long time! Cats on the other hand are assholes and whilst I don’t want the ASPCA or PETA to get on my case about this, if “The Nightmare Angel” Chelsea Skye has to beat up a cat to get her second win in PWE, so be it because once that bell rings the Skyes the Limit!”

I started my guitar practice as the scene fades.