STRATEGIC ASSAULT I15 AUGUST 2021
___________________________________________________________________________________
A black screen appears as the Hulu logo drops from the beginning of the production. In a sweeping motion, the Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE logo appears, and a yellow line traces itself like a neon stripe around the letters.
The beginning riff to “Battle Drums” by Kayzo and Atreyu begins as the golden color that permeates all of Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE flashes in the background along with the beat of the song.
♪ SO THIS IS IT WHERE YOU TAKE A STAND ♪
An image of Angel, her expression vicious, reaching out to the viewers is visible, and quickly morphs into Zoey Madigan-Star, who shifts into a locked stance with her hips, pressing her finger to her face as she smiles beguilingly. The same neon stripe in the beginning dances around the figures themselves.
♪ YOU CLENCH YOUR FISTS AND DRAW A LINE IN THE SAND ♪
Klayton Cross is visible next, raising his arms outwards and roaring at the world as he rears back; the camera rotates in a circle and we find ourselves face to face with Ross Hanson, who grits his teeth with a small smile hidden beneath his expression.
♪ CLOSE YOUR EYES, PRAY FOR STRENGTH ♪
Xaria Linette appears as the camera moves upwards, pursing her lips and blowing a kiss. The small graphic of a heart floats over to the smiling face of Betsy Granger, who steps out of her Tar[COPYRIGHTED]. The view pushes quickly over to Ashley Whitmore, who crosses her arms as she looks directly into the hearts of the viewers.
♪ DON’T EVEN GIVE A FUCK ♪
The neon stripe moves over to Kai Driscoll, who gnashes his teeth together threateningly, just like his “Killer” moniker states he should be. It floats over to Allen Chaney, who also crosses his arms and shakes his head disappointedly, despite the “Comedian” name.
♪ THE WORLD’S ON FIRE ♪
The Aylas -- Damian and Tara -- appear next as the background fades darker in their presence. They literally stare down at the camera. This is followed as the stripe floats over to Jace Koufax and The Bomb, both looking supremely uninpressed with the rest of the company.
♪ WELL, THERE IS NO GIVING UP ♪
With his fingers pointed directly at the viewers, gun formation there, Lachlan Kane smirks as the camera arrives upon him. Nathaniel Cartwright is visible behind him, and the camera zooms forward to find his face, stoic and aloof as it always seems.
♪ WHEN THESE DARK DAYS LAST A LIFETIME ♪
Next, Chelsea Skye throws her hair over her shoulder as she stares directly into the camera, Holly Rhodes on the opposite side, their backs to one another. Tank Ferdinand, making a silly face at the camera, pushes through them and they glare at him in response, to which he fervently ignores.
♪ THE PAIN HANGS ‘ROUND LIKE A BLADE IN YOUR STOMACH ♪
Kayla Richards narrows her eyes, which darken in the viewer’s perspective as she smirks. William Blake Mason is visible as the camera pans downwards from Kayla. He smirks slightly, and crosses his arms as the neon stripe flows past them.
♪ AND THESE HEARTBEATS TURN TO FLATLINES ♪
Ollie Dorito leaps into view, with his faithful servant Miss Baztii in the background. Ciela Luiz appears next, grinning and throwing up the rock on sign. Lewis Chad Pinkston breaks into view, looking absolutely utterly confused as to where he is, but shrugs and grins anyway.
♪ BETTER START RUNNING ♪
Lastly, the side-by-side figures of the owner, Ophelia Knight and General Manager, Charlie Jones appear on screen. Ophelia sets her hand on Charlie’s shoulder and smiles, while Charlie crosses her arms and smiles as well.
♪ I CAN HEAR THE BATTLE DRUMS COMIN’ ♪
The final logo for Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE appears, along with the logo for Strategic Assault.
As the intro fades, a small studio is zoomed into where a man who looks like he literally just came off the beach is seated behind a desk. He swings around in his chair and grasps the edge of the table in front of him. He winks at the camera as he rests his elbow against the table and presses his fingers against his chin. His Hawaiian shirt (bright, pink, yellow and blue, of course) is unbuttoned and he looks surprisingly well-groomed.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first ever Strategic Assault! My name is Michael LeMao, but you can call me Lil Mickey -- I keep hearing that I’ve got some gimmick infringement goin’ on, but that’s neither here nor there, and fuckin’ hell, you gotta be square to have a beef about something eight thousand other people do on like...Spotify or MySpace or whatever.
He throws his hands up in the air a little bit, shrugs, and then leans forward on the table.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Sorry, that was totes a dig, I know. Last one for the entirety of Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE, promise. Things have been heating up in Orlando. I have to tell you, I was in meetings with my lovely bosses this whole last week, and I am pumped as fuuuuuuuck for everything that they have planned for this company. The whole year is planned out, we’ve got a massively star-studded roster, and I am stoked for the level of bloodshed we could get to.
He nods to himself, swaying back and forth in his seat as he brushes his sandy blonde hair back ostentatiously, overdramatic.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Obviously, we here at Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE are excited for the things our roster will do. Which brings us to the purpose of tonight’s show. Strategic Assault is a show that is both somewhat of a preview for what the roster has ahead of them, and also a chance for the roster to step out of their comfort zone. It gives management a place to talk about what’s ahead for the entirety of the company, and particularly with this edition of it, it allows us all to get to know the roster themselves without...having to spend three minutes of their promo telling us who they are and why they’re here, right? I’ll have some interviews here tonight, and I’ll have some pre-recorded bits for those of y’all who couldn’t make it tonight.
He claps his hands together then, and then uses finger guns as he points at the camera.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Let’s start it off. I sat down with our illustrious boss, Ophelia Knight -- kind, very kind woman, but also very stonefaced. She’s great. I’m not just saying that to keep my job.
He winks again.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: We talked about what Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE is all about, from the very lowest point: the owner who’s starting it all. Let’s check it out.
"WELCOME TO EXCELLENCE"Seated across from Michael LeMao in a darkened training ring is the formidable woman who owns all of Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE. She is the brains, the brawn and the financier of the company in every way you could possibly think of. She wears a Gucci dress, nude, that is neatly hemmed at her knee, and black pumps. Her bob, straighter than an arrow, hangs neatly around her face. Her makeup is tasteful, clean. Across from her, of course, is Lil Mickey, who looks different than the one hosting the show...but not by much. His shirt still screams "Aloha" and it's still unbuttoned, though only halfway this time. He leans back in his chair, taking a sip of water.
MICHAEL "LIL MICKEY" LEMAO: Thanks for chillin' with me, Boss Lady.
OPHELIA KNIGHT: You're welcome, Michael. Although I'm not one hundred percent certain that I like, 'Boss Lady'.
MICHAEL "LIL MICKEY" LEMAO: I'll uh...well, I'll come up with something else later. I guess, first things first...we know that Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE is one of the newest companies to come straight out of woodwork. It's almost like it shot straight up as well, right up into the limelight. People are looking at us. We had twenty-four signings in less than two months -- no one could say
that was planned.
OPHELIA KNIGHT: It wasn't. I was fully expecting a roster of perhaps twelve names that no one had heard of. To think that we got the names that we did...men and women who are tried and true competitors, not just out of training school. Not to say that those who
are just out of training school are bad, but I definitely expected more green candidates. I am pleased with the turn out.
She smiles beguilingly and Lil Mickey grins.
MICHAEL "LIL MICKEY" LEMAO: I have to say we all are. It allows for
amazing opportunities ahead, right? Why don't you tell us about yourself, Ophelia? Why Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE, and why now?
OPHELIA KNIGHT: Simple. Competition.
MICHAEL "LIL MICKEY" LEMAO: Competition?
OPHELIA KNIGHT:
Competition. Every year, there are multiple upstart companies that either take off, or they don't. The ones that survive those first few months are those that have a significant support system. People always in the back, pushing to better the company and the product themselves. But what I struggled with was the lack of leadership that was visible. Often, you see companies breaking their professionalism to engage in low ball tactics because it seems like the hip thing to do...that is by and far something that I never want us to engage in. We are all particularly lucky in the fact that we have so many eyes upon our companies, but I want to be the beacon of professionalism. Not only that...I saw a lack of something. Something
important.
She leans forward a little in her chair, pressing her chin upon her topside of her fingers.
OPHELIA KNIGHT: It seems some companies have lost sight of what the purpose of wrestling is. There are always those that are going to lean more on the entertainment portion of this field. Highly gimmicked matches that suspend reality, or matches that don't quite belong in a wrestling ring, but more so the
circus. This isn't to say that there isn't a place for that, because there is, but I find myself looking back to my childhood. We saw feuds and fights, it was about
wrestling. Person A didn't like something that Person B did, so they settled in hand-to-hand wrestling combat. You stole someone's girlfriend? Hand-to-hand wrestling combat. We're not about special effects and disillusioning our audiences...well, perhaps Zoey is. But our goal at Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE is to provide that clear cut
wrestling.
Michael nods in response.
MICHAEL "LIL MICKEY" LEMAO: Is that...particularly in response to....?
OPHELIA KNIGHT: Our choices in this company do not pertain to any
other company, whether they are so narcissistic to believe that or not. I have watched many companies come and go, and I've seen what good looks like versus the bad. Every company has their shortcomings. Every company will fall short. But I, and my roster, will not put themselves up in petty pandering to get likes from their fans. What we do here is
push for our own successes, build our own strength, and become better than any other company before. I didn't hire the people that I did because they were known for their antics on Twitter, after all.
MICHAEL "LIL MICKEY" LEMAO: You seem very firm in your belief for your roster right now. Is that because that's where you want to focus or is it because you're not interested in bringing in others.
OPHELIA KNIGHT: Once Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE is off the ground, and we've crowned our champions, we are certainly in the process of always building more. I would love to have one-off matches here. My roster, or not my roster. I have a few people that I would love to see in a PWE ring, whether it's for one night, or as a signed contract. MYOJIN, Adrian Cochrane, even Jason Long. Perhaps one day, we will see the famed Alexandra Kelly, or Noah Reigner. Vhodka, Vincent Black -- Dane Preston, the Montuoris. James Raven, Shawn Warstein...Corey Black, Atara Themis...or others. There are a list of wrestlers that I would be happy to host. All they need to do is reach out if they need an impartial place for their match. We are
open to all. We just have a cap on our roster.
MICHAEL "LIL MICKEY" LEMAO: That is a lot of people. What if--
OPHELIA KNIGHT: No what if's, Michael. Only options. My eyes are watching, looking at those who run the
game, so to speak. Communication. Collaboration. These are the things that will make us
different than the other companies. And what builds us as
competition.
She smiles at him, folding her hands and leaning back once more.
MICHAEL "LIL MICKEY" LEMAO: Is there anything you'd like to say to the roster?
OPHELIA KNIGHT: They all better be prepared. Because after the VICTORY I? Their lives will be forever changed.
“THE NIGHTMARE ANGEL”
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: I’m here with one of the youngest members of the Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE Roster, straight out of Chicago, Illinois we have the “Nightmare Angel” Chelsea Skye!
The camera pans over to show Chelsea in her street clothes, jeans, boots, a Battle Beast band shirt that exposes her mid-riff and her hair tied up in a ponytail.
CHELSEA SKYE: Happy to be here!
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Now my sources say that you and your brother Justin were Olympic hopefuls a couple of years ago, what exactly stopped you from competing?
Chelsea’s mood turns sour.
CHELSEA SKYE: Starting off on a great foot already, huh Michael?
Chelsea sighs before shifting her weight.
CHELSEA SKYE: Yeah, me and Justin were considered for Team USA in the Olympics, but he died in a car accident that I was part off as well! I survived, obviously, but that incident sent me down a dark path that I have no intention of ever revisiting! And if you don’t mind, I’d rather not elaborate on that!
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Of course and I’m sorry to hear that, after you got back into sports you started training to become a wrestler, how did your family take that news?
CHELSEA SKYE: You’ve heard of the phrase “black sheep”, right?
Chelsea asks and Michael nods.
CHELSEA SKYE: I’m the black sheep of my family and proud off it, me, my three sisters and Justin were raised by Conservative Christian parents, and we were expected to buy into their bullshit, my sisters followed but me? I set off on my own path, they listened to Christian rock, I drowned it out with the filthiest Death Metal I could find, they said it was a sin to be gay and have sex before marriage? Well, guess what?
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: You came out as a lesbian by telling them you had sex with another woman?
CHELSEA SKYE: Close, I came out as Bi by saying that I had sex with a guy and a woman, but they still tried to pray the gay away! My point is that they didn’t exactly approve of my choice to become a wrestler but by the time I got back into sports, my chance to compete at the Olympics had past me by and I‘d be in my late twenties by the time I got another chance to become famous, I wasn’t about to wait that long! They always said that I have the face of an angel but at the same time, I’m a nightmare to deal with!
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Is that where the “Nightmare Angel” moniker came from?
CHELSEA SKYE: Pretty much, I wanted a nickname that reflected my rebellious spirit and that fit the best! They always said that I’d grow out of this phase and, well, I’m a twenty two year old bi-sexual metalhead who loves horror movies, and I don’t see that slowing down any time soon!
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: You spoke a lot about your parents but what about your sisters? Chloe, Toni and Liz, right?
CHELSEA SKYE: Right, and let me put it this way, I was flat broke when I decided to start training to become a wrestler, not only did they support my decision, but they put forth the money for me to start my training! Otherwise? It’s likely that I wouldn’t have started training until January of this year at the earliest! They always were the brainiacs of the Skye siblings, but they love me and Justin all the same.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: What about Justin? Do you think he’d approve?
CHELSEA SKYE: Don’t know if I made this clear or not, but I am atheist, that said he was as big a wrestling fan as I am and when I graduated from my training school Chloe made a point to say that he was grinning broadly looking down on me from Heaven.
Chelsea takes a moment to wipe a tear away from her eye.
CHELSEA SKYE: That gave me the idea to name one of my signature moves in his memory, and I’m going to make a point to try to use that in any of my matches in Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: One last thing Chelsea, any words for any potential opponents at the very first Victory?
CHELSEA SKYE: I’ll save the specifics for when I know who my first opponent is, but they’ll quickly learn that whilst I am a rookie, I’m not one to be taken lightly! I’m not going into the first Victory with any expectations that I’ll be walking out the first champion but what I am expecting to do is make a name for myself and make sure that my name is on the tip of everyone’s tongues by the end of the night! I am the “Nightmare Angel” Chelsea Skye and once that bell rings, the Skyes the Limit!
Chelsea says with a cheeky grin straight down the camera.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Thank you for your time Chelsea, good luck out there.
“HULU”
Michael rises to his feet and walks around the table then, heading for a second monitor on the other side of the studio. He shuffles in his flip flops, no doubt going to get told by his bosses later that he needs to look more professional if he’s going to be hosting anything ever again. He stops at the monitor and plants his feet firmly into the floor.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: When we were searching for a television service provider to air Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE, we wanted to make sure that our roster had the opportunity not only to be part of an amazing group, but also have the ability to say whatever they wanted or needed to in the way that would be best for them. Everyone has their own unique way of presenting information, and for some of us, that might be in the more vulgar and frickin’ terrible language that wouldn’t particularly be allowed on anything but cable. But we also wanted it to be accessible by wrestling fans all around.
He raises his hand, just as if he was Vanna White on the Wheel of Fortune. On the monitor, the following logo appears:
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE is stoked to announce that we will be partnering with and produced on Hulu for Season One of Victory. With Hulu’s multiple options for viewing content -- paid, live Television subscriptions, all-access streaming, DVR capabilities, or free programming content posted three days after the show goes on -- we couldn’t think of a better service provider than Hulu. Make sure you get in all the action when Victory airs LIVE for the first ever time from the Michelob Ultra Arena in Las Vegas on August 30th. RIGHT HERE. On Hulu.
He pauses, waits for a second, and then smiles broadly.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Next up, a man who believes he’s not only excellence in the flesh, but also an evolved form. Check it out, right here. The following after that will be a montage of the wrestlers that will grace our shores, so to speak. Some include me, some don't. You never know! Check 'em ALL OUT.
“EXCELLENCE EVOLVED” EXCELLENCE EVOLVED
That’s all that shows up on the screen. It starts on the screen for about a minute or two maybe before a shadowed figure walks into shot. It isn’t until a spotlight shines down upon the shadowed figure that we can see who it is. Wearing a funky but strange colorful shirt with the top two buttons undone, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Shorts and no socks with sandals on. He isn’t a douchebag who wears socks with sandals, like Ewww!!!
Having made it to the seat that was set up for him, Klayton sits down and gets himself comfortable. He knew why he was here, it was to let everyone know who he was, what he brings to the table, amongst other things too. Now that Klayton Kross was comfortable, he clears his throat before beginning to make his address to the world.
KLAYTON KROSS: Well allow me to start with who I am. If it isn’t quite obvious who I am by now, I might as well go and make world peace. I’m obviously #MADEOFEXCELLENCE and not only that, I’m EXCELLENCE EVOLVED. Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE is like the Mew of the Pokemon world and I’m like the Mewtwo. You’ll get nothing but Excellence from PWE but from me, you get so much more Excellence. Comparing us both is like comparing Mew and Mewtwo. I’m like a genetically modified version of Excellence which is why I’m ‘Excellence Evolved’ Klayton Kross. Like Mewtwo, I’m devastatingly powerful, energetic, and much more handsome. Now I can’t control the minds of everyone or teleport unfortunately, but if I could that’d be so awesome and cool right?
Although it was a rhetorical question, Klayton paused for a few seconds.
KLAYTON KROSS: So now you know why I’m Excellence Evolved because I’m genetically better than everyone else. That definitely sounded extremely egotistical and I’m sorry about that even if it is true, I should have been more respectful. Just know that I am who I am and you’re who you are. That doesn’t mean I think any less of you, just that I think more of myself is all. I love everything about wrestling. The roar of the crowd, the back and forth between each other, even the friends you make and the beautiful women you get to meet too. What I enjoy the most about wrestling is putting on a show. Showing everyone why I’m Excellence Evolved and living out my passion. My passion has always been to be a wrestler and with the looks and talents that I have, it was either that or porn. Talking of porn, has anyone else in PWE received any OnlyFans links in their DM’s?
The cheesy grin appears on Klayton’s face.
KLAYTON KROSS: There is a motto in life I live by when it comes to respect. Forget all the respect your elders rubbish. It’s all about respecting those who respect you. Respect is a two way street, now don’t get me wrong. I can respect someone's talent even if their head is too far up their own ass to respect mine. One thing I won’t respect though is them as a person and as a human being, if they can’t do the same in return then fuck them. Oops! Hopefully that got bleeped out or whatever. But yeah, respect doesn’t cost a thing to give, feel free to not give me the respect that I deserve though, I’ll happily beat the respect into you. If you’re too unintellectual for that to work, then I guess you’re best of just being a Janitor. I’d like to apologize to Joe The Janitor for that but come on man, you didn’t even know the answer to where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from… Obviously the answer is Cotton Eye Joe.”
Even Klayton Kross rolled his eyes at that.
KLAYTON KROSS: Let’s get down to what my number one priority is here in PWE. We can see that it isn’t comedy, I’m best off leaving that to ‘The Comedian’ Allen Chaney, although I haven’t witnessed anything funny from him yet, maybe in time, I’ve yet to see him in action in the ring yet so my opinion is likely to change then. So where was I? Oh, that’s right. I was going to tell you all what my number one priority was here in PWE. That’s quite simple really, the same thing I do every night, try to take over the world! Oops! That’s not it, sorry I was watching Pinky and the Brain before getting prepared to do this shindig here. If you haven’t seen it, you better go see it. I'm telling you, you’re missing out on some golden cartoons there. Anyway, let's get back to business. I’m here in PWE because there is no other place for my EXCELLENCE. Not only that, I’m here to make an impact. To showcase my skills and change the face of wrestling. How am I going to do that you ask? Well isn’t that already obvious? I’m EXCELLENCE EVOLVED!!! I will just walk into a company and it EVOLVES into a better form of itself.”
Now getting to his feet, Klayton holds his arms out wide and that cheesy grin appears on his face again. Once he was done showing off, he sat back down again.
KLAYTON KROSS: Just know I’m happy to be part of a company where the booking won’t be odd, the decisions won’t be ridiculous and where there will be no corruption. As for favorites, we all know Ollie Dorito has to be the favorite or you’re all heathens who deserve to get a papercut between your toes and fingers. Don’t like that? Well tough, fight me then! Just know that I’m ‘Excellence Evolved” Klayton Kross and I’m not afraid to fight anyone. I fight with HONOR and RESPECT and no one is about to change that. I can’t wait for everyone to see why Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE is the best company out there. It’s because we’re all #MADEOFEXCELLENCE.
“EXPLOSIVE”
THE BOMB: Uggo.
She sighed.
THE BOMB: Uggo.
She sighed again. The disinterest was growing in her voice..
Rose McCarthy’s finger slid left along the touch screen, sending each picture into oblivion before showing the face of the screen back to The Bomb, who looked thankful to watch each face disappear before a fresh, new horror arrived on the display.
THE BOMB: That’s disgusting. Is that even a person? Swipe left.
ROSE MCCARTHY: Well that’s the entire PWE roster, so…
THE BOMB: Gross! Surrounded by uggos, plebs and walking diseases. You’re saying I have to touch these people when I’m booked to wrestle them?
Rose sighed and set the cell phone down on the center kitchen island marble countertop. Taylor Marr aka The Bomb, sat some 5 feet away holding her trainer, Luiz, in a painfully effective camel clutch on a set of mats in the middle of the carpeted living room floor.
ROSE MCCARTHY: Well that is wrestling, yes.
Rose McCarthy had been a somewhat successful selector and manager of talent in various sports for about 5 years. The Bomb was, in her mind, a gamble. Taylor’s signing on the PWE dotted line was still fresh, and Rose was having doubts she’d bet on the right horse. Taylor/The Bomb’s extensive social media following promised she’d have a proven built-in audience, but would Taylor have the goods to hold on to them when the going got tough? Rose grimaced, as much at the prospect of a bad bet as seeing how much torque The Bomb was currently applying to Luiz’ spine.
LUIZ: C-can you stop now, Taylor?
He grunted. Rose winced, watching as Taylor wrenched on Luiz’ neck firmly, and gently shifted her hips back and forth like she were riding Luiz like a tamed stallion. Not only did it look painful, she made it look almost sensual, and Rose wasn’t sure how to feel.
Rose averted her gaze from the demonstration on the floor toward Taylor’s nearby boyfriend, Jace Koufax, holding another cell phone up to capture the video. Jace winked at Rose with a smirk.
THE BOMB: Tap out, or pass out, loser,
The Bomb cooed, winking and puckering her lips sensually for the camera.
Luiz didn’t have a choice. He reached back and tapped his fingers on Taylor’s bare thigh desperately as his face turned a few more shades of purple. Wearing a skimpy metallic gold bikini, armed with a confident, triumphant smirk, The Bomb rose from Luiz like it were a poised Olympic dismount after a gold medal performance. She arched her back and presented her best side for the camera.
THE BOMB: That’s how it’s done.
She smirked and confidently walked past the camera, and Jace stopped recording.
Luiz lifted off the mat, holding his back and panting to catch his breath. The Bomb’s smile dropped, and turned to icy stone as she looked to Jace.
THE BOMB: How was that?
Jace sipped gingerly from a bottle of water and watched the muted footage back with a shrug.
JACE KOUFAX: It was good. So were the last 5 times.
The Bomb watched the footage over Jace’s shoulder with intense scrutiny.
THE BOMB: I didn’t like the way I stood at the dismount. Run it back. We’ll do it again. Do you think I should wear the PWE branded bikini?
ROSE MCCARTHY:I didn’t know they already had branded merchandise.
Rose looked confused. The Bomb’s eyes rolled.
THE BOMB: They don’t. I let a fan make it for me along with a ton of other PWE branded crap waiting to be sold in the garage.
JACE KOUFAX: She’s already making bank and she hasn’t wrestled a match,
Jace added, lifting the phone up for one more take.
LUIZ: Please can we take a break?
Luiz winced.
The Bomb narrowed her eyes at him, with a slight glance toward Rose as if to silently imply: not in front of my manager. Luiz also responded silently, with a look that pleaded for a break. After a moment, Rose piped in mercifully.
ROSE MCCARTHY: Why don’t we take a break?
The Bomb looked cross, before her features softened, like it were her idea being broadcast from another’s lips.
THE BOMB: Let’s take a break.
Annoyed, Taylor stomped past Luiz into the living room from the walk-out kitchen, grabbing a little broom she then used to sweep the mats off. Rose had to admire the authority Taylor carried with her, and the work ethic, the eye for detail and a seemingly unflappable desire to execute everything she planned to the point of something somewhere past perfection. Jace set the phone down and clasped Luiz on the shoulder, ushering him out of the room to the balcony to speak privately. Rose watched them go, pitying Luiz with every step he took.
ROSE MCCARTHY: So when do you finally release the video?
THE BOMB: When it’s ready.
The Bomb said, moving back to the center kitchen island to take a sip of Jace’s water bottle.
Taylor’s house was austere, opulent, white, cavernous, and purchased by ‘internet money’.
ROSE MCCARTHY: Look, all the PWE wants--
THE BOMB: It doesn’t matter what they want.
The Bomb snapped.
THE BOMB: Ophelia Knight, or… whatever-the-hell the other girl’s name is, will take what I give them and they will thank me. This roster is littered with insignificant specks of worthless dust. None of them have what it takes to put this company on the map. I do. Not just on the map, either. Off the fucking charts. I’ve studied the metrics, more eyes opened and looked at this company the second I signed. It’s just a FACT. If this company hopes to succeed all they need to do is build on my presence. Set my name in lights, and they. will. fucking. Come.
Rose looked surprised at how fast The Bomb had turned vicious. It almost gave her chills. Just then Jace and Luiz returned, and like hitting a light switch, Taylor’s features sweetened.
THE BOMB: Literally and figuratively.
She winked at Rose before moving back onto the mats with an expectant eye toward Luiz.
THE BOMB: Down.
She ordered, pointing at the mat, then glanced at Jace to start filming.
“WINTER WRAITH”
The ring sits empty, yet somehow inviting. On display, with nothing else of the environment around it visible. A darkness so complete as to make a person question how much is reality and how much is artifice or whether either is a part of the tableau. What IS real, however, is the ring.
The ring and the man walking out of the shadows toward it. The view is suddenly upon his shoulder, as if the camera were perched like some animatronic parrot next to his head. His smooth tone and quiet delivery are those of a person who is not in a hurry, who sees no need for grandiose expressions of energy and volume.
A creature of patience. One who has all the time in the world.
?: The ring. The squared circle. The battleground of the sport of kings. Where history is written and legends are made on a nightly basis. Sacred ground that men and women will fight, sweat and bleed to protect the sanctity of. Where dreams are realized in the form of gold and leather, an island of relevance within an ocean of humanity, delivering adulation and scorn as the mood strikes them, making careers, lives, as surely as the aforementioned gold and leather does. That is what the wrestling world sees when they look upon… this.
?: I do not see what you see.
The voice is slightly accented. Smacks a little bit of what one might expect to hear from a viking or the like. From his eyes we see the man reach the ring, slide in under the bottom rope and…
...then the view is from the front as Nathaniel Cartwright, the so-named Winter Wraith, swings his legs around fluidly to sit cross-legged in the center of the ring. A jacket with a fluffy hood adorns his torso, open to reveal a bare, heavily-tattooed chest. Beneath that, workout shorts of white and blue. Careful eyes note that his wrists, hands and ankles are taped, marking him as ready for a fight even now within solitude.
Situating himself comfortably, Nathaniel rests his elbows on his knees and folds his hands beneath his chin, index fingers extended to be held just ahead of his lips. His stare is, in a word, unnerving. Predatory.
Someone is quaking behind the camera. Figuratively and literally.
NATHANIEL CARTWRIGHT: The wilderness teaches a person more about life than school ever could. It teaches you respect for the world in which you live, how to get the most out of what you have without the need for waste or excess. But put a child in the woods these days, even for an hour, and they will just whine about no Internet access or poor proximity to disgusting fast food. They cannot tweet about how miserable they are or how much they hate their parents for making them go outside. You know the drill, certainly. Except we do not see this as a failing that requires change and education. We see it as a source of humor. ‘Kids these days!’ is the retort.
NATHANIEL CARTWRIGHT: They would not last two days in my world. But, of course, you are here to know about wrestling and my intentions within it. That example should explain quite a bit, but perhaps something less oblique would satisfy?
When Nathaniel smiles, it is in equal measure endearing and dangerous. Women hope he’s looking at them. Men worry that he’s going to lunge for their throats.
NATHANIEL CARTWRIGHT: I am a survivalist. I have conquered nature by learning to live within its rules and showing respect to all aspects of it. Wrestling? It is new ground to conquer. I enter this business prepared mentally, but bereft of physical and emotional experience. Like a person who reads every book they can on a subject, I have all the knowledge I require to succeed. But putting it into practice? Applying the information to the best effect? Reconciling the unknown and finding the proper path to what I seek? That is the challenge. And Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE has opened the door for me. Whether that will be to their delight or chagrin, well… time will tell, no?
His hands lower, as does his head, shoulders shaking as he laughs quietly.
NATHANIEL CARTWRIGHT: Oh, the tales they’ll tell in the future.”
The laughter, quiet as it was, stops abruptly. When he stares at the camera again, those eyes are cold, hungry, unforgiving.
NATHANIEL CARTWRIGHT: Wolves hunt in packs, surrounding and wearing down prey before they feed. Bears use size, intimidating and power to overwhelm, in some cases applying surprising alacrity and skill. Serpents and their ilk use camouflage, poison and speed to strike swiftly and decisively, whether it is ‘fair’ or not.
NATHANIEL CARTWRIGHT: You can find examples of each of these in wrestling. Cowards who move in groups out of fear, giant lummoxes who roar and smack like a seal trying to smash open a clam, and the conniving sorts who are afraid to stand and fight. But I know what you’re thinking. You want to know which one I am.
Lifting a hand, he taps a taped, tattooed finger against his temple, like that meme we enjoy so much. And then he smiles again. One could swear there were fangs peeking from behind his pale lips.
NATHANIEL CARTWRIGHT: The kind that you’ll see coming and that you still won’t be able to stop.
Gone is the smile once more.
NATHANIEL CARTWRIGHT: Watch. Learn. Understand. And above all, listen. Even the silence has something to say.
Snow starts to waft down from above as Nathaniel lowers his head, the scene fading slowly to darkness.
“LEAVE A STACK OF BODIES”
Jace was obviously very annoyed today, most could see it coming from a mile away. As he walked into the studio, he had a grim look upon his face and most in the hall would turn away. Upon his arrival to the end of the hall, he turned to an open door and wandered in where he saw a bikini-clad Taylor Marr (or the Bomb) in front of a man who was snapping various pictures of her, likely for one of the various social media platforms on which she participated. The photographer, Carlo, was clearly having a ball getting some good shots, but as with most of this stuff.
CARLO: Make love to the camera for me, ah, you are so gorgeous yes! Carlo loves this show you are putting on just for him and…
Jace stood behind him, glaring at the photographer with a look of disgust. He tilted his head to the side and studied Carlo for a moment, closing in on him before Taylor stepped up and placed her hand on his chest.
THE BOMB: Jace, honey.
JACE KOUFAX: Tell me more about that show she’s putting on for ‘you’, you miserable little worm.
THE BOMB: I’m sure he was just getting into his job as a photographer, I mean, you hired him… and well, I don’t think he’d be interested in me anyway. He’s, well, you know.
JACE KOUFAX: Oh, he is?
THE BOMB: Yeah, you’d never think a guy like that would be a Republican.
Jace studied on Carlo for a minute and grimaced. Them, hand and hand he and Taylor walked off to the dressing room, her bouncing alongside of him.
JACE KOUFAX: Do you really have to focus so much on social media? It’s slowly deteriorating the brains of society.
THE BOMB: While that may be true, the brains of society also have money, and you know what we do with money.
JACE KOUFAX: We filled a tub with it one time and…
THE BOMB: We also spend it. On things we need, and it helps our careers in professional wrestling too. How else would we pay Luiz or Carlo? Or that guy who comes and washes our dirty clothes?
JACE KOUFAX: We have a guy for that?
THE BOMB: Yeah, I’m not doing it.
JACE KOUFAX: You could have asked me.
THE BOMB: Why would I make the man I love do nasty work when I could just pay to have it done? Besides, we have more to focus on, like… Well them.
She pointed at the camera crew awaiting them and Jace knew what came next. He found himself approaching a seat and soon the Bomb draped over his lap, sliding her arms around his neck as he gazed up at the camera.
"Who are you, and what do you bring to the table? What do you see as your number one priority as a newcomer in a completely new company? How are you going to change the face of wrestling here at PWE?"
THE BOMB: Where have you been? How do they not know?
JACE KOUFAX: T…
THE BOMB: The Bomb, I am the Bomb.
JACE KOUFAX: ... Yes.
THE BOMB: No, seriously, where have they been?
JACE KOUFAX: I am Jace Koufax, she is the Bomb. And we will…
THE BOMB: Leave a stack of bodies behind us.
Jace sighed for a moment as she made a noise she believed sounded like an ‘explosion’, though a little off, a smirk briefly appeared. She was lively, he liked that about her.
JACE KOUFAX: This program exists to be a preview of what’s to come. There’s no doubt in my mind many will use it to as a show of force, to show off what’s theirs…
He cast a glance at the Bomb who was smirking up at him.
JACE KOUFAX: Or to perhaps to use their history to build up what they intend to do in the present. But consider this shows namesake, there is always a strategy in mind for any assault. Any battery you commit begins with an overall goal, you look at the opponent and you study their weaknesses. Then you pick it apart. I gaze upon this companies roster, and I’m eager to ascertain those weaknesses. I hunger for when the strategy ends, and the assault begins. When you’re on your knees after I’ve taken your legs out from under you, and the only thing between us is my boot caving in your skull.
The Bomb ground up against him, amused at his growing bloodlust.
THE BOMB: It’ll be glorious, babe. Together we’ll walk over any so-called ‘real wrestler’.
JACE KOUFAX: No matter what classification you give them, they’re only human and I’ve worked a lifetime in picking humans apart. Everything I’ve learned over the years towards taking an opponent down and picking the bones clean will be utilized every step of the way until the Bomb and I get everything we want. No matter what you bring to the table, no matter what you’ve been or where you’ve gone. We want it all that much more. Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE? Ha, no, far from it. We will provide a pro wrestling massacre upon each and everyone who even looks at us funny. The face of wrestling in this company will not be changed by simply myself alone.”
THE BOMB: We will change it. We will be the face of excellence.
A pause again as Jace looked into the Bomb’s eyes, love blooming between them as it always did whenever he gazed upon her. Soon, the two shared a passionate kiss and embrace before he pushed her up against a table. Camera crew backing out of the room to give them their moment as we fade.
“VIOLENCE IS OUR RELIGION”
The manor on top of the hill remained overbearing on the prospective young, intern, knowing that he would have to scale the steep incline in order to reach their subjects. The obsidian stone wall shaped the house amidst the stormy weather. An observatory that was built directly in the house consumed most of the western side of the estate. While on the eastern side seemed to be the source of the garden that was trying to eat the rest of the building. Each sharp corner available to see radiated an air of hostility and isolation. If the home of the Ayla’s could speak, it would simply warn people that they should abandon all hope if they pressed on. All of this was captured from the front of the blackened steel gate. The demon skull emblem installed on the gate opened up to peer further in.
A fatigued sigh escaped the camera operator, who trudged on, wondering to themselves what edge of Castlevania did he manage to walk into. The walk to the front doors was tedious, having to avoid the different vines trying to ensnare his feet. Though, the most frightening thing the poor intern encountered was the black hounds standing directly on the steps. A mix of Dobermans and Czechoslovakian Wolfdogs stalked around, growling lowly at the newcomer.
CAMERA OPERATOR: Ah, fuck this…
The operator mumbled. There was no point in losing any limbs or worse because of a stupid interview. Before he could flee, the doors opened. A shadowy figure loomed over and motioned for the operator to come within the domicile.
CAMERA OPERATOR: Uh, the dogs?
The camera operator asked, chuckling nervously.
With a single snap of his fingers, the masculine silhouette commanded the pack to divert away.
?: Come.
His gravelly baritone’s range of command fell upon the intern. With a small, pathetic sound, he ran inside of the door--influenced even more by the timely crackle of lightning. Once the doors shut behind him, the operator trained his camera up to see the interior of the mysterious home. The ceiling seemed impossible to reach, where the wooden pattern served to taunt. Mahogany was everywhere, giving the home a cooling effect. It made the operator focus on his chilled breath lingering in the air.
The man stepped towards a nearby room. Without any words, the operator knew it was best to follow him. Perhaps it was the sounds of little things scampering or the dogs outside patrolling the perimeter. Either way, the intern watched enough horror movies to understand boundaries. When the creepy, vampiric-looking man told you to follow, you become his shadow very quickly. The sound of wood creaking added to the ambiance as the intern found himself in a prepared environment. The man went over to a lavish, Victorian seat. He was garbed in a pitch-black suit with a purple tie offsetting the other dark shades of his ensemble. The way his piercing eyes studied the person before him, the more the intern knew not to trifle with the man.
Then came the lady of the manor. Wearing a stark, blood-red dress, she flowed around the room. She was undetectable earlier. Was she in the room to begin with? Her skin was pale, the previous life of it taken by the coldness of their living space. Her lips were naturally curved, tempting to call themselves a smile, but she refused every attempt passively. Her dark eyes were a contrast to her lover’s, but they were fearsome. They locked onto the newcomer, studied him, and flickered away to stare at something else. The intern questioned himself if the lady was on guard. The end result, however, made him more nervous. He was the fly entering the spider’s parlor.
?: We saw LeMao’s questions…
The man known as Damian Ayla said.
DAMIAN AYLA: ...and we found them...comical.
“To some extent,” Tara signed.
CAMERA OPERATOR: I’m sorry. Some of the viewers might not understand ESL.
The statement garnered some hostile glares from both of the Ayla’s. There was more growling, this time closer. The operator turned the camera to reveal two bigger, more fearsome dogs drooling and snarling at him. One of them brushed past and rested next to Damian, who gave him a loving pat on the head.
DAMIAN AYLA: What we desire is everything, but only due to the base instinct we find to be our religion. Violence is our God, and it is the most important thing to humanity. Think of the way that society has progressed. It’s because of our violent tendencies and our need to make it efficient. Tara and I are that efficiency. If you tether that ideology to wrestling, then you can dissect any other ambition to it. We want championships and we will harvest them through blood. We want the glory and we will take from our opponents’ broken bodies. We want to experience bliss when we watch someone writhe in anguish. The spoils of war will be handed to us at the end of our bloody conquest.
The dog left Damian’s side but not before the Godslaying Beast gave it a sizeable chunk of meat.
DAMIAN AYLA: It has always been rudimentary to ask what does anyone bring to the table. Because actions have always spoken louder than words. Even my proclamations can be seen as normal. So, it’s my wife’s and I’s intention to engrave our intentions into the very DNA of this company, bit-by-bit. And there will be opposition, but it is our pleasure to tear them apart and reconstruct them with proper mindsets. They will know what it means to stand against and what it means to fall to us. So, it begs the question of how are we going to change the face of wrestling?
A very thin smile crossed Damian’s face.
DAMIAN AYLA: Simply put, we’re going to change it by breaking it.
The camera operator sensed from Tara that his presence was no longer needed. With that, he turned off the camera, if only to appease the duo.
“MON AMI” Who are you?“Mon nom est Xaria Linette.”
The camera’s visual focuses on the beautiful Frenchwoman sitting on a white garden chair. Her dyed red locks are wavy and her emerald green eyes are bright. Her red-painted lips form a smile and she crosses one leg over the other. The rose bushes behind her pale in comparison.
XARIA LINETTE: Though if you are an avid wrestling fan, you would know that already, oui?
“Pfft, yeah. You’re only a legend in the wrestling industry!”
Behind the camera, a youthful voice with a mixture of a French and Italian accent is picked up on the mic. There’s a little shake of the camera as he chuckles.
REMI FONTAINE: LWA Hall of Famer, LWA Undisputed World Champion LWA Crossfire Division Champion, LWA 2007 Hero of the Year…
She chuckles softly.
XARIA LINETTE: Would you like to do my vlog for me, mon Neveu?
REMI FONTAINE: Oh! Haha, sorry. I’m just excited.
XARIA LINETTE: Merci. I am the one and only Rainbow Angel, though in recent years I became known as the Harbinger of Lord Lucifer. Mon petit ami Michael Rivers doesn’t go by that title anymore.
She looks off-screen and waves with a smile. Remi directs the camera that way for a brief moment. The aforementioned Michael is seen playing in the backyard with her three children, Christian, Jacques, and Pénélope. Then the camera is directed back to Xaria who giggles.
XARIA LINETTE: I am the proud mother of three wonderful little angels. I am also the co-owner of two Michelin-star restaurants, Le Beau Paradis in Paris, France, and Le Belle Baiser in Manhattan, New York. Authentic French cuisine and fine dining. Please make your reservations now.
What do you bring to the table?
XARIA LINETTE: Experience.
She starts simply with confidence in her body language.
XARIA LINETTE: My professional debut in the wrestling industry was in January 2007 with Legacy Wrestling Alliance. I’ve been a wrestler for fourteen years with two maternity absences and a couple of severe injuries that lasted for months. One of them almost ended my life, let alone my career…
Upon instinct, her right hand moves up to her neck. There’s a faraway look in her eyes for a brief moment. The camera shakes a bit.
REMI FONTAINE: The broken neck injury by “The Eternal Bastard” Jack Darling.
XARIA LINETTE: Oui. Perhaps my fiercest rival in wrestling. There was a time before when he placed a barbed wire noose around my neck, threw me over the top rope, and strangled me with it.
There’s a visible flinch from the camera and a nervous swallow is heard.
REMI FONTAINE: Unfortunately, I remember that… Dad heard me scream and immediately pulled me away from the living room. I was seven, I think.
XARIA LINETTE: This was before we realized we were related. Quentin and I shared the same Père. Back on track, returning to the ring after my injuries were healed shows that I’m a fighter. It’s going to take a lot to stop me. I’m also a ring veteran. My awareness of the ring and my agility are to be revered. Even now at thirty-five, I can still fly without fear. My mastery of tae kwon do and martial arts are my best weapons. Oh… and please do expect my signature weapon to make a comeback in Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE.
A knowing little smile crosses her face. She won’t go into details, but her avid fans should know!
What do you see as your number one priority as a newcomer in a completely new company?
XARIA LINETTE: Mon Neveu, my nephew, listed four of my accomplishments in wrestling. I became the LWA Crossfire Division Champion in the first month of my rookie year. Three months later, I became the LWA Undisputed World Champion.
She wears a proud smile, though it slowly begins to fade as her eyes focus on the camera.
XARIA LINETTE: Sadly, before I had the opportunity to defend my new championship, the company closed its doors. I was never able to find out if I had the skills and talent to successfully defend the most prestigious championship in LWA.
REMI FONTAINE: I remember that. It totally sucked when LWA closed. I was pretty upset about it. But then you went to eWo, right?
XARIA LINETTE: Oui, but despite my best efforts, I was never able to attain the top championship of Epic Wrestling Organization... or any other company I was a part of after that. I was able to win quite a few other titles, though. Two more singles; four in tag-team; even one in tag-trios.
Her smile returns with renewed confidence.
XARIA LINETTE: I would like to not only become the top champion in PWE but also be able to successfully defend my title. Preferably more than once!
A soft, genuine chuckle escapes her and she uncrosses her legs, folding her hands on her lap.
How are you going to change the face of wrestling here at PWE??
XARIA LINETTE: I’m not the same Rainbow Angel I used to be. Optimistic, naive, and with my head in the clouds. I’m not the same Harbinger I used to be. Devious, strategic, and merciless. Those sides of me have evolved. I have evolved and I’ll show you how very soon. Jusque-là, mes amis.
And with the blowing of a kiss, the scene is cut.
“DREAMKILLER”
?: Who am I?
A click of the tongue followed by a cursory wave of a tattooed hand. Her lips curled up into a half sneer, half smirk.
?:Innocent question. One that should really be asked of people that are just names on a page. But, a name on a page isn't what or who I am. I'm someone who will do anything, say anything, manipulate anything to my advantage. Someone who will sell out anything and destroy anyone. And I'll do it proudly with a smile on my face and a song in my black little heart. That is really all you NEED to know about me and what I'm about. That is all anyone has ever needed to know.
Her emerald colored eyes close, covered with eyeshadow to give that smokey appearance. Her head tilts to the side as we hear a sigh pass her red painted lips.
?:My name is Kayla Richards. Yes, that Kayla Richards. The Anti-Christ of NCW's Women's Division. The woman who went into NGW and snatched their World Title up because I simply FELT like it. The same Kayla Richards who broke Dean Matthews knee, broke his wife's spirit and then broke their friends will to go on. The former Hybrid Grand Champion, the First Ever Project: Honor Noble Champion. And the last person to hold that title that will ever matter.
She side eyes the camera.
KAYLA RICHARDS All this, well, they're things you should already know. Things that should be burned into your mind like a brand from a cattle iron. But, with that being said the greater question remains. One much better than who I am, but why am I here? After all I have never made it too much of a habit joining companies on the ground floor yet here I am. Getting ready to go into Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE's first ever event. The first Victory of many, the promises made by those in charge that this place will be different. That the wrestling world has strayed too far from the things that make it great to the point of parody. And that is what attracted me to this company.
Her lips twist into another smirk, her heavily tattooed arms fold over her rather, ample chest. Her long black hair flowing down to frame her face, the cheekbones so sharp they could cut you, her plump lips and large round emerald green eyes that burned like magnesium thrown into a flame.
KAYLA RICHARDS It's a place where I can walk in and do what I do best, and every single one of you should be listening very very closely to every goddamn word I say. I'm not here to make friends, I'm not here for the spirit of competition. I'm here for one reason, one very easy to understand one.
She narrows her eyes as she speaks the next word.
KAYLA RICHARDS Violence.
Her teeth gnash together slightly before she smirks and continues.
KAYLA RICHARDS I love violence and I love that it leads me to being the best wrestler on this planet today. See, I have a certain talent for violence. A talent for being able to cause pain and chaos everywhere I go. I may not be the biggest or strongest, but what I do know how to do, is hurt people. Hard strikes, submissions, joint destruction. And I won't be bound by morals or cries of mercy. I have none and I believe in nothing. I don't care who you are, how big you are or how "bad" you think you are. The truth is, PWE is my world, you're all just living in it...
“MAGICAL SORCERESS SUPREME”
?: Lights…
The heavy clank of a metal level being pushed, almost forced, into place, creating a circle of shockingly-bright light in the midst of near-utter darkness.
?: ...camera…
The view of an empty stage, sans a stool with a seat padded in lush black leather, comes into focus, blurs a bit, clears and finally centers.
?: ...showtime.
Like that oh-so-familiar phrase, recalled easily by fans over a year ago, still instigates excitement from in. And were there others to directly see and hear, the cheers would shake the dusty rafters and catwalks above. Instead, the four-word phrase prompts an entrance from stage left. The spotlight moves to follow, revelations starting at floor level and slowly rising: Glittering purple heels and long, athletic legs sheathed in the finest dark mesh. A tailored black coat with tails worn over a formal-style bodysuit and white-gloved hands. Striking black hair streaming from beneath an immaculate top hat with a purple band, tipped to hide the face, one hand touching the brim whilst the other twirls a wand skillfully.
?: Fifty-eight weeks, ladies, gentlemen and apprentices, since I have entered a wrestling ring to put on a show for a veritable human ocean of wide-eyed and smiling faces. Since I have heard the roar from deep within all of you, since I have heard hands clapping against one another and the calls for an encore.
The lady states, a smile slowly forming upon her purple-painted lips.
?: Over thirteen months since I have felt the adrenaline rush that comes from stepping through a curtain and into the spotlight, feeling the wave of adrenaline collide with my being like an out-of-control freight train. The butterflies in the moment before and the groundswell of energy the moment after; two sides of the entertainer’s coin.
She continues moving toward the stool, her left hand lowering from her hat and producing a gold coin seemingly from thin air. Rolling it expertly between her fingers and back again, she turns the coin and flips it high into the air… where it disappears with a pop. With every step, the stage floor erupts with a small puff of dust; truly it has been too long.
?: Those of you who know me are already on the edge of your seats.
She continues, twirling her wand once more before standing it in her left palm and, upon putting her right palm against the other end, making it disappear between her hands.
?: To those of you that do not, my name is Zoey Madigan-Star, and it is truly a pleasure.
With a flick of her finger she tips the top hat back a bit, fully revealing her smiling face, before taking a graceful bow.
ZOEY MADIGAN-STAR: And how auspicious that my return, awaited by many but no doubt reviled by some, will happen in the company known as Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE! After all, a fresh start benefits from fresh surroundings, and this is as much a new beginning for what shall soon be one of the most prominent and popular companies out there as it is for yours truly.
She turns her back to the camera and brings her arms out to her sides, stretching. But the deliberate motion of her fingers causes the view to ripple, washing over her environment, taking it from old and dusty to new and shiny. Imagining the reaction, Zoey winks at the camera over her shoulder before twirling to face it again.
ZOEY MADIGAN-STAR: Wrestling used to be a dream for me before it became an avenue to honor the fallen.
She continues, pausing briefly to compose.
ZOEY MADIGAN-STAR: In less than five years, I accomplished more than some wrestlers do in four times that length. Record-setting title reigns, streaks of unabated, undefeated dominance, a Hall of Fame ring… enough that when I walked away, I did so with pride and my head held high. But lately, I have begun to wonder if there is still something in wrestling for me to accomplish.
The smile fades if only to give way to a thoughtful expression. Right hand cups left elbow, left hand strokes chin; Zoey’s golden eyes are alight with anticipation.
ZOEY MADIGAN-STAR: Once upon a time, I wrestled for another. Everything was to make him proud. And when the time came, I knew beyond doubt that I had accomplished this. The only thing that kept me away from the ring beyond that moment was worrying that I could never match my own considerable accomplishments… that I would do my legacy, such as it is, a disservice. A silly thing to worry about for a lady so young. But when you grow up so fast, sometimes the little details slip past you.
It is a moment of calm candor. She folds her arms and sighs, a little shake of the head before her smile returns.
ZOEY MADIGAN-STAR: But no more of that! Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE shall begin under the brightest of spotlights with explosions of energy and excitement brought on by yours truly! This company shall rise and take its spot as one of THE places to be in this business! And you can bet your last dollar that I will lead that charge, ladies and gentlemen! Because for the first time in my career?
With a snap of her fingers, she goes from magician gear to wrestling gear! How does she DO that?!
ZOEY MADIGAN-STAR: I’m wrestling with a full heart and an unburdened spirit. Look out, PWE, because you’re about to see what I can REALLY do! And I promise that it will be the show…
Thick mist rises from beneath her, encompassing her, then blows away… and Zoey goes with it with a final message for those watching.
ZOEY MADIGAN-STAR: ...of a lifetime!
Top hat and wand remain upon the stool as the scene fades.
“THE COMEDIAN” Allen Chaney is seated in a studio for an interview. The studio lights in his eyes seem to be visibly fighting with his hangover. Allen does not make eye contact with the individual who brings him his coffee but he definitely seems like he needs it. Allen looks across to the individual he had been told was named ‘Lil Mickey’ as if he was looking at a lamp or a microwave or any other item or appliance that serves a purpose but is also just there.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Ladies and Gentlemen he may be a Comedian but this PWE signee is no laughing matter. Please welcome ‘The Comedian’ Alex Chancy
This sparks something, clearing the fog of whiskey in the mind of The Comedian.
ALLEN CHANEY: Are...are you fucking joking?
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Joking?
ALLEN CHANEY: Allen.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: What?
ALLEN CHANEY: AL-LEN CHAY-KNEE.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Oh...OH! Sorry I was reading it off of a card and...uh….I think we can cut that out.
ALLEN CHANEY: Yeah, maybe you should.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: So uh...Who are you, and what do you bring to the table?
ALLEN CHANEY: I’m ‘The Comedian’ Allen Chaney and what I bring to the table is your dirty whore mother because apparently she’s too good for her dog bowl now. I swear to fucking christ if this light guy makes another goddamn sound I’m gonna punch him in the neck 18 times. It’s distracting. I’m getting interviewed for for...what the fuck is this even for again?
We hear Lil Mickey start to say something but they are stammering.
ALLEN CHANEY: JESUS could someone here besides me be professional for like a second? I’ll tell you what I bring to the table. I’m the draw that’s gonna put food on YOUR table and the table of every Open-Mic’er on this roster. Any kind of TV deal that Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE was able to secure didn’t get a single signature until management was able to tell the network three simple words: ‘We signed Chaney’. So before the bell rings and I drop this whole roster on their skulls with the Punchline, I expect every single one of you to say ‘thank you’ because without me you wouldn’t be making a paycheck.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Okay...What do you see as your number one priority as a newcomer in a completely new company?
ALLEN CHANEY: Gotta make sure they serve Italian at catering. I’ll win regardless but if you want The Comedian to get you BIG ratings you make sure he gets a good Chicken Parm in him. My goal is to make your show the most watched show on the planet because I’m just a great and selfless dude. This is a continuation of a special little project of mine. It’s called the ‘Must-See Massacre’. So long as I’m around doing whatever the hell I want this company is gonna be in a permanent sweeps week. People won’t admit it but they LOVE to see what the Comedian does. Some of them want to see me get my ‘comeuppance’ or whatever but a great deal of them? They are living vicariously through me. The ones working an office job who want nothing more than to walk up to the guy who keeps eating their lunch out of the work fridge and call him a fuckface and piledrive him and also two other coworkers and maybe the cleaning guy and his wife and the mailman his wife was fucking.
MICHAEL “LIL MICKEY” LEMAO: Finally, How are you going to change the face of wrestling here at PWE?
ALLEN CHANEY: It’s difficult to explain an intangible, especially to someone who is clearly a goddamn idiot but let’s see if I can narrow it down. You hired that hot French broad because she’s got nice cans and that sells. You post about hiring a cat because the internet likes quirky silly goofy bullshit like that. You hired a lotta pretty faces but in three months time there will be no disputing that THE face of this company is gonna be bearded and chubby. There will be folks denying just how good I am and how much I am helping this company and this industry as a whole to protect their fragile little egos but to anyone with a pair of eyes there will be absolutely no denying it. Your average Pro Wrestler these days is too high on their own farts to notice anything going on around them that isn’t them. I very similarly am going to talk A LOT about how fucking great I am but I’m also gonna go out there and prove it. I want each and every member of this roster t-
A boom mic drops into the shot. Allen’s eye twitches. The camera cuts to SMPTE color bars and we hear the noise of equipment being knocked over briefly before we cut out abruptly.
“HIP CAT” The Nintendo Wii music begins to play over a blank screen. And then, quite suddenly, it starts dropping a beat as the following image displays upon the screen.
The voiceover, clearly Michael LeMao, yellows loudly as if it's an auction.
MICHAEL "LIL MICKEY" LEMAO: COMING SOON TO A CAT CONDO NEAR YOU!He wheezes and breathes.
MICHAEL "LIL MICKEY" LEMAO: BUILT TO TERRORIZE, HE IS...OLLLLLLIIIIEEE DOOOOOOOORRRRRRIITTTTTTTOOOO!!!
He coughs. And the scene fades.
“REAL WRESTLIN' ALL THE TIME”
This next video package opens up not in a ring, locker room, or a gym. Instead, it opens into the front yard of the only house on this street to have all of its siding.
ROSS HANSON: Hey, everybody.
Shirtless with muscles on top of muscles, a blonde-haired, dirty stubble-bearded, blue-eyed figure is seen standing in the grass, doing curls with a couch instead of a bar and weights.
ROSS HANSON: Ross Hanson here.
Rather than set the couch down normally, Ross spins the couch around horizontally in the air as if it were a body pillow, slamming it into his front yard in its correct orientation. He then jumps over the back, landing in a prone position onto the cushions ever so slightly turned to face the camera.
ROSS HANSON: I gotta apologize...talking really isn't my strong suit. I can order food and deal with being on hold with customer service for an hour, that's about it.
Ross jumps up off the couch, slowly walking forward towards the camera (which backs up.)
ROSS HANSON: And I'm not exactly the best looking guy out there, either. Might explain my perpetual singledom. Or maybe that's part of the whole not being able to talk bit, too...I don't know…
Ross shrugs, completely ignoring the two young women walking by who nearly trip over themselves to stare at his well defined upper body.
ROSS HANSON: And I'm not really a threatening person. To tell you the truth, I'm not a violent guy at all...
A bike speeds by on the sidewalk, followed by the same two women yelling "MY PURSE!" When the bike comes back into view, Ross nails the thief with a lariat that sends him flying back and down to the pavement, and sends the bike flying down the street to crash into the back of a parked car.
ROSS HANSON: I'm also...
With the stolen purse caught in his hand, Ross cringes as the alarm blares into his ears (and the camera's mic.)
ROSS HANSON: Fuck me, Sally, I'm gonna go fucking deaf is what I'm gonna do!
A car remote is heard deactivating the alarm. Ross returns the stolen purse with a hand-off, and one of the women kicks the thief on the ground before walking away.
ROSS HANSON: Now, as I was saying…
Ross walks over to his mailbox, addressing the camera while checking his mail.
ROSS HANSON: Look. I don't have an interesting personality, a dashing chin line, or any marketable skills in the white collar working class. But there's two things that I am…
Ross pulls out a package, smiling when he sees it.
ROSS HANSON: MINI-HUMAN, MAIL!
Ross rips the package open, looking into it to verify its contents. He starts to remove all plastic, revealing a stuffed orange and white cat.
ROSS HANSON: I am a father. First and foremost. My boy comes first, and if any of you so much as breathe the first syllable of his name on TV in a negative manner, I will tear your neck vertebrae out and grind them down into wedding rings to sell on Etsy. Don't fuck with me. I'm horrible with money.
Ross hands the stuffed toy to a child off-camera.
MINI-HUMAN: THANK YOU DADDY!
ROSS HANSON: You behave for me and you might get to meet the real thing when I start this new job!
MINI-HUMAN: YAY OLLIE!
ROSS HANSON: You're welcome, son. Second thing I am...and pay attention, Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE. This is the part that concerns you.
Ross stuffs the trash from the opened package back into the mailbox, then stares down the camera with a determined confidence not seen in him previously during this scene.
ROSS HANSON: I am a wrestler. I'm not just a wrestler. I am a damn good one. Before it's all said and done, you might even call me the best. Wrestling is my life, it's my blood, it's the reason I exist. I'm not here from the past, the future, the Mafia, or the comic book store. I'm here as a wrestler. All I know is wrestling.
The camera zooms in on Ross's face, as he somehow times the widening of his eyes with the zoom.
ROSS HANSON: I'm just a wrestler…and this is wrestling.
Ross snaps into an eased grin.
ROSS HANSON: See you soon, pwE…
Ross winks as the video package fades to black.
“TANK FERDINAND”
?: This brother isn't very little?
Three men inspect a photo. A man holding a black coffee, speaks to another man holding a cookie.
?: It's 'Lil' Cookie, not little.
The photo is of Michael "Lil Mickey" LEMAO entitled 'Mickey Absalot and the Philosopher’s Pussy(cat)'
?: I don't get it, is he meant to be a rapper like Lil Wayne?
?: No No, not at all. He's a catman!
The man with coffee points out to the curious cat with his free hand.
?: Catman? As in the jewel thief.
?: That's Catwoman.
The third man dressed in fluorescent clothing then interrupts the other two men.
?: Guys what the hell? You've wasted thirty seconds of my promo time. You're not even meant to be here, you can't appear on air, I signed a contract saying so.
The Cookie man pulls out the contract, and with a magnifying glass reads out the fine print.
?: The contract says "does not appear on victory". This isn't Victory, it's Strategic Assault, we cool.
?: We might as well do his intro then...
?: Wait I have an intro?
The third man is surprised.
?: Wonderful People around the world, stand up and clap your hands...
?: What about for those who can't stand up, my grandpa has a bad hip?
The man with the cookie draws attention to his grandfather's medical condition. The third man facepalms, as the scene opening was going terribly.
?: Let's try that again. Remix version.
The man sips his black coffee, and then puts it down, as he gives the introduction another try.
?: Wonderful people around the world, clap your hands and get funky, for my name is Coffee Black. Because Coffee without cream is the best way to go, and this brother right here is Cookie Power...
COOKIE POWER: That's not my government name, and we weren't all named after breakfast items, for my brother from another mother.
Not his actual mother.
COOKIE POWER: Dressed up in rainbow apparel, and soon to be sponsored by Skittles, is the one and only.
Skittles sponsorship still pending.
COFFEE BLACK: Built like a Tank, and moves like a bull. We introduce to you...
They both shout out in unison.
TANK FERDINAND!The gentleman in rainbow colored clothing gives Cookie and Coffee a round of applause, and in a rhythm section continues to clap his hands and get funky by dancing
TANK FERDINAND: Yeah BOI!
Tank was going all out busting moves.
TANK FERDINAND: It really is a wonderful day to be here fellas. Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE. A new chapter, a new beginning. The start of the Rainbow!
COFFEE BLACK: Title of your memoirs.
Yet to be written.
TANK FERDINAND: Before we move on to pressing matters though, whose idea was it to submit a caricature of me riding Princess Twilight on my application portfolio?
He looked intently at his entourage, waiting for the truth before Cookie let it out.
COOKIE POWER: Ok it was me. It's a great marketing strategy, and shows your appeal and connectivity to a younger audience.
TANK FERDINAND: Marketing strategy?
COFFEE BLACK: Cookie has a point Tank. My Little Pony is huge, Princess Twilight Sparkle is a megastar. She's giving you exposure, you're giving a great franchise more branding to a new audience, your likability rating can only increase. It's a Win Win situation.
TANK FERDINAND: Friendship is Magic.
That was a Paid Advertisement for My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic, streaming now available to view on Prime Video.
COOKIE POWER: Nobody else in PWE be ridin' on Princess Twilight. Couldn't even ride on a horse, be lucky to stay on a donkey. Don't want no smoke from Eeyore.
COFFEE BLACK: Uh, isn't that from Winnie the Pooh, we got any deals with them?
COOKIE POWER: Nope, that was a free plug?
TANK FERDINAND: DAMMIT COOKIE! That's not what we're meant to be bringing to the table.
COFFEE BLACK: What?
COOKIE POWER: The jewel thief wants everyone on the roster to be answering three questions to introduce themselves. One of them was 'Who are you, and what do you bring to the table?'
COFFEE BLACK: Wait a minute what jewel thief?
COOKIE POWER: The Catman?
COFFEE BLACK: Catwoman was the jewel thief, we already went over this at the start.
COOKIE POWER: Well maybe Catwoman has a lover, that would make them a Catman.
COFFEE BLACK: Catwoman loves Batman, not Catman. What comics did you read growing up?
COOKIE POWER: Comics? This isn't relevant. Lil Mickey has a cat.
COFFEE BLACK: Exactly that makes him a Catman.
COOKIE POWER: Well what is Catman bringing to the table? I'm hungry.
TANK FERDINAND: No Cookie. It's not a table to eat on, it's a figurative table, as in what do we bring the table that sets us apart from the rest of the competition here in PWE"
COFFEE BLACK: We? You're the one wrestling. They were only allowed one token black man on the roster.
COOKIE POWER: Woah Coffee you can't say that on TV!
COFFEE BLACK: We're not on TV, this is a streaming service. I think?
TANK FERDINAND: Who I am is Tank Ferdinand. The Tank of Funk, The Prince of Rainbows. What I bring to the table is simple. Fun!
COFFEE BLACK: What does all of that mean though?
TANK FERDINAND: The answer to that is a work in progress.
COOKIE POWER: Ok then, what is your number one priority in a completely new company?
TANK FERDINAND: There's a phrase 'leave this place better than when you found it'. To me that translates as everyday you come to work, you put in that work, and you be the best version of yourself that you can be, not just for yourself, but for everyone else. To set an example, and a standard. Striving for excellence is challenging enough. You put in the time and effort, and give it everything you have, you'll get close to it. That's my number one priority.
COFFEE BLACK: Along with Rainbows!
COOKIE POWER: What about changing the face of wrestling?
COFFEE BLACK: Ridiculous, start with taking a step at a time, then you can focus on the mountain.
TANK FERDINAND: Soap and water also helps to keep a clean face.
COOKIE POWER: That's not really a proper answer.
COFFEE BLACK: Of course it is, just change the question.
TANK FERDINAND: Keeping it fresh and clean.
Cookie Power, Coffee Black and Tank Ferdinand then depart on a trip to IKEA to bring the table to PWE.
“THE IMPOSSIBLE TIME TRAVELER”
?: Welcome one and all, to the inaugural State of the Betsy Address!
Camera’s trained on her, Betsy Granger stands behind an official looking podium. She’s dressed in a blue two-piece suit, a ruffled white blouse underneath. Her blonde hair is held back from her face by a set of pearl barrettes, her emerald green eyes sparkling with mischief. Leaning forward, she continues.
BETSY GRANGER: Greetings, Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE, it is I, professional wrestling's favorite time and space traveler! For those of you who still live under a rock, my name is Betsy Granger, but you may have heard me referred to as the Impossible Traveler. If you still don’t know who I am, allow me to introduce myself properly. Lets see, where to start?
She ponders playfully for a few moments.
BETSY GRANGER: Since my professional debut at the end of November of 2020, I’ve turned heads and drawn eyes everywhere I go. I’m a multiple time champion through several different feds, and that’s just in the eight months I’ve been doing this. I’m currently OCW’s TransAtlantic Champion-
She pauses to hold up the brightly colored, rather flashy title belt. Grinning, she sets it down.
BETSY GRANGER: --and if you want to be technical about it, I’m the current, albeit final, AWF Prestige Champion.
She holds up the now defunct title, allowing the light to bounce off of it for a few moments before setting it down again.
BETSY GRANGER: I’ve held the XHF Phoenix Championship, as well as the XWF Shooting Star championship. I know, I’m not as decorated as some of the other wrestlers coming in; not yet, anyway. Speaking of the others, I took a look at the roster before coming here today and my oh my… Some of these names I’ve never heard of in my life, but the ones I have…
She widens her eyes, giving an expression of fake distress.
BETSY GRANGER: Take Kayla Richards, for example. I’ve run into that rabid bitch before, and from what I’ve seen, she’s still as lovely as ever. It still astounds me to this day that her and Tasmin are sisters, let alone related. Tas is a sassy, sour patch kid delight of a woman who makes my best friend in this world happier than I’ve ever seen him. Then you get the angry snatch that is Kayla; I know you’re gonna see this honey, and yeah, maybe I am looking for a fight. You and I will undoubtedly be going after the same thing when we arrive, so I may as well try and ruffle your feathers off the bat… Not that anyone had to pull my arm to get these thoughts out of my head. I’m only saying what everyone that isn’t your pussy whipped fiance thinks. The only dreams of mine that are going to die are any you had of making it to the top of this company first.
BETSY GRANGER: For as violent and nasty as Kayla Richards is going to be, I have the opposite to look forward to in Xaria Linette. This was a signing that actually made me jump out of my seat, if I’m being honest. I’ve followed her for years, always inspired by her work ethic and unique style in the ring. It was a sad day in my world when she ‘retired’, so to be working under the same banner as her… What a treat! I honestly can’t wait to share a ring with you, no matter what capacity it’s in. Besides Kayla, I have you marked as one of my biggest threats to becoming the first top champion around here. There are others… but none of them have me as excited as you.
Realizing what she was doing, Betsy gives a contrite look to the camera.
BETSY GRANGER: That wasn’t supposed to become a shoot, but whatever. Why sugarcoat my intentions; it’s not like anyone else isn’t going to be taking shots, right? Take that other hack of a time traveler, for instance. Her and that tag partner of hers don’t even have a proper ship; what a joke. Klayton Kross, I’ve seen you trying to cozy up to my sister; tread lightly there, friend. She’s got a good heart, but she’s flighty as all hell. I’ve heard the name Zoey Madigan-Starr in my travels, but we’ve yet to have the pleasure. Looking forward to it, dear, I’ve heard great things. Chelsea Skye, your attention-seeking behavior on Twitter is an absolute hoot, please don’t change. Lewis Chad Pinkston is here? Oh goodie, I can finally shove that bitch list up a spot where the sun don’t shine.
She pauses.
BETSY GRANGER: Everyone else I haven’t mentioned… Sup?
Grinning now, Betsy spreads out her arms and shrugs helplessly.
BETSY GRANGER: I guess I just can’t help myself. Look, it’s simple facts: Ophelia and Charlie chose their roster carefully and I know for a fact that I was one of the very first they offered a contract to. They know, as I know, that anywhere The Impossible Traveler ends up is going to be good for business. It probably doesn’t hurt that my TARDIS is named Excellence… That’s just a happy accident, though. It doesn’t alter the fact that they both recognized MY excellence when they called me with the details of this promotion.
Her grin returns as she leans all the way forward, gripping the podium with both hands.
BETSY GRANGER: I’m putting it out there, here and now, that Betsy Granger WILL become the first EXCELLENCE world champion. That destiny was practically written in the stars, you’ll all see that soon enough when I’m crowned. This today, this is only me being polite enough to put you all on notice. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I can play nice up until that bell rings. Then it’s all business and I’m here to get that work done. It hasn’t been easy getting to this point, but now that I’ve made it here…
She glances around the room, and then grins again.
BETSY GRANGER: Take a good look at me, friends. This is the face of your soon-to-be champion.
With a playful salute, the feed ends.
“MY NAME IS HOLLY RHODES” It’s the home gym of Holly Rhodes. She finishes a set of bicep curls and takes a seat on her workout bench. She un-velcro's her weight-lifting gloves and looks at the camera, regaining her breath.
HOLLY RHODES: My name is Holly Rhodes. I like to think of myself as a survivor. I’m only 28, but I feel like I’m 40 with all the incidents that have marked my life. I’ve tried to get my wrestling career started at least 3 times and all 3 times it has come under siege by outside forces. To think that I have been a trained professional wrestler for 3 years and I have had about 7 actual matches should tell you a lot. But in case it doesn’t, that’s okay. I’m not afraid of my scars. My scars are all over the place. They are both mental and physical and I carry them like badges of honor. I don’t run from my past.
Holly inhales, catching her breath.
HOLLY RHODES: I’m not going to pretend like I had some tragic childhood and I ran away or anything like that. No, I grew up, in a blue-collar town, to two blue-collar parents, and I have excelled in athletics my whole life. I played sports, I watched sports, and I’ve been blessed with genetics that have made me stand out, though not always with positive results. Sure, I was made fun of for being tall. I’m 6’1” now as a grown adult woman. I’ve been tall my whole life, and I have adapted. I came to be relied on in school for doing the things that none of the other girls could do. I played basketball and I excelled. But what I’ve wanted to do for a long time is wrestle, and the messed-up part about it, is that every time I start, the show gets stopped.
Holly shakes her head before continuing.
HOLLY RHODES: I have signed contracts, been offered money, hell, in my 2nd match ever, in my career, I won the Pride Pro Television championship, and then abruptly after that, Pride closed it’s doors. And I had to wait for a long time to get another chance. I’ve wrestled in a couple of other places, but it’s been the same story every single time. I get a match in, just getting the taste of what I could possibly be, and then, it gets taken away from me. One thing or another happened and every time I’ve tried, the result has gone like clockwork. And then, I became sick of it.
Holly sighs deeply.
HOLLY RHODES: I became very sick of it. I wanted so bad to be part of this wrestling business, and yet, every time I tried, it’s gone in the blink of an eye. I began to think I was cursed. Maybe I was the one who shut everything down. Maybe it was me. So, I focused my energy’s elsewhere and I tried to think positively about my future. After all, I was only 27, and I still had a lot left. But slowly, as more opportunities came, I began to think that it wasn’t going to work, and I let that consume me. I let it beat me down. So much so, that I no longer wanted to do anything because my dream was gone.
Holly cracks her knuckles, no longer looking at the camera.
HOLLY RHODES:: I wanted to go away. But I had help from special people who saved my very life, and I realized that I could make this dream a reality. I could be what I always thought I could be. And so, here I am. So, if you want to know what I’m going to bring to the table in Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE, let me tell you what you’re going to get. You’re going to get someone who is going to work as hard as humanly possible to be the best. I don’t care if it’s male or female wrestlers, I know that I have the ability to step into the ring and compete. I know I have a small sample size, but after watching those matches, watching that rookie stumble around and still have success, I know not that can walk into any match at this point, and compete. I have gotten in better shape. I have put my flaws on the table and now, I am ready to do what I know I can do. I will succeed, because I’ve been at the bottom. I’ve been as low as you can go in life. Ready to end all of it, and I came back. I am a survivor, and I will be at my best for Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE. And at the end of the day, I’m going to be at the top of it.
Holly sits up, a grin on her face.
HOLLY RHODES: Ready or not, I’m coming.
With that, the scene cuts out.
“LCP” The camera quickly cuts to the parking lot out back. There stands a glorious man, calmly pacing back and forth, tossing an object in the air and catching it. Seemingly talking to himself. A loud cough from the camera man grabs his attention.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: Oh, whaddup?
Lewis Chad Pinkston stops in his tracks, and grabs the round object out of the air.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: Oh are we doing this right now?
The camera shakes up and down.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: Aww hell. I’m not ready yet. Can you just like come back later?
Lewis holds his hands together in a prayer fashion. The camera shakes side to side.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: Fine I guess we can just take it from the top. The metaphor isn’t going to hit as hard without Ophelia here. Oh Ophelia? She’s my girlfriend. She does the majority of my research. Demon in the sack and probably the best Mario Kart player outside of Japan, and even then I wouldn’t bet against her.
He pauses for a moment and opens his left palm. Then sheepishly looks up at the camera.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: Okay so who am I? Well I’m Lewis Chad Pinkston. I’m new to the wrestling world. I recently won my first match ever. She was so hyped up we didn’t sleep for days afterwards, if you catch my drift.
Lewis raises both eyebrows and nods his head feverishly.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: I recently beat her in Mario Kart for the first time ever…. I don’t care that she was distracted. I beat that peach…*Wink*…. What else? Oh yeah what do I bring to the table? Well I’m a short amount of time I’ve managed to make myself more relevant than the majority of the roster. Just by sending a few tweets. My silver tongue will get me in many different positions *wink* but also get me out of them as well.
The camera focuses on the object in his hand.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: Oh this?
He holds up a peach.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: I told you this wasn’t going to make sense since she’s not here. And that leads me to the next. My number one priority in all of this, the real reason I’m doing this…. Her. I want to make her proud. She’s very skilled in the ring, and I want to show her that I am as talented in the ring as I am between the sheets.
Lewis once again throws a wink at the camera.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: Listen I’m just a guy from P-Town California. I got into college…. Mostly because my dad was the Dean of Education there, but also because I’m not an idiot. Sure I may not fully understand everything going on around me, but I’m always aware of the bigger picture. Either way I’m kinda, sorta college educated….
He looks at the camera.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: What? I dropped out after my second semester. This guy had a hookup in Arizona and we were gonna start a grow room. Turns out when he said shrooms, I thought something way different than portobellos. We had a falling out, and soon thereafter I was on my own. Broke and with nowhere to go. Then I saw a signup for what I thought was a free trip to Disney, turns out it was a wrestling company….
Lewis shrugs his shoulders and takes a bite out of the peach. He wipes away the juice with the back of his hand.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: Then I disappeared for a few months and now I’m back more eager than ever to get into a ring. I mean I don’t have much in the way of formal training, but seriously…. How hard could it be? I’ve already got a win under my belt and I’m sure there will be plenty to follow.
A hand appears from behind the camera and signals to wrap it up.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: Sorry bro I never use protection…. Ohhh you want me to shut up soon?
The camera nods.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: Right. Now the final question I guess…. How am I going to change the face of wrestling…. Well I already have. Just look at me. No one takes me seriously. Yet no one is willing to admit that when I get some gold around my waist it’s to be expected. Sure I know that it’s not going to be easy but just like when I eat a peach…. I’m going to savor every second of it, juices and all.
Lewis smiles and takes another bite off of the peach.
LEWIS CHAD PINKSTON: I guess it still landed.
With a smile and throwing up a peace sign, he pulls out his phone and waves the camera away.
“THE ANNOUNCEMENT”
Charlie Jones smiles and has her arms folded over her chest wearing a black suit, the top button of her white shirt left undone as she nods at the camera and clears her throat.
CHARLIE JONES: Tonight, you’ve heard from some of our best and brightest. New and old stars of the wrestling landscape have come to Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE to remember what it was like to be in a company where wrestling matters. And
that will continue going into our first show. Victory One: The First Victory. A Champion will be crowned.
Charlie pauses for a moment and a graphic comes up across the bottom of the screen showing the time it will be on Hulu. She folds her arms back over her chest and continues.
CHARLIE JONES: On that night there will be a one night tournament to crown the first ever Excellence Champion. And all 24 names will be involved. Round one will be four matches, six participants in each. Over the top elimination. Those winners will move on to a pair of singles matches, with the winners of those matches going on to face one another in the final where the first champion will be crowned. The person who wins the championship will have gone through grueling sets of matches that will prove to the rest of the roster why they earned their spot. And now I can reveal the line up and matches for the tournament.
The screen quickly changes to an info graphic showing the card.
We cut back to Charlie who gives another small nod towards the camera clasping her hands together.
CHARLIE JONES Many exciting matchups, so many possibilities in Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE. We could see the Bomb and Kai Driscoll clash after their war of words on social media. Or how about The Bomb facing her beau Jace Koufax? Or Betsy Granger, one of the brightest stars in wrestling today against the Comedian Allen Chaney and his sadistic nature? We have rising stars, we have veterans. We have 24 competitors, 1 night, 1 championship...the first Victory will go down in history and everyone, regardless of where they finish will be...Made. Of Excellence.
The PWE Logo comes up, and flashes before our eyes as the screen goes to black.
