Do Something.

I sat across from Lizzie Jones. My friend. It was a good time. I wanted to be happy about this, but I was bummed. Lizzie obviously noticed this but she didn’t say anything as we sat in an awkward silence for a bit. Lizzie finally cocked her head to the side and lightly kicked my leg with her foot as I tried to drink my coffee.



“Are you okay?”



I stared blankly at Lizzie for a few seconds, not really knowing how to answer. I wanted to say “yes.” but that would be a lie. And “No.” meant more probing questions because Lizzie was not going to let me get up from the table without actually answering the first question.



“I don’t know.”



Was my response and it made no sense. Lizzie shook her head at me and shrugged at me.



“What’s that supposed to mean? It’s a yes or no question Holly.”



And here we were already. She was not going to let up on this. I knew that.



“I’m just frustrated, that’s all. Wrestling hasn’t been as successful as I wanted it to be."


“What did you expect? That you were going to just beat everybody up?”



“No, I just… I dunno, I thought I’d be doing better.”



Lizzie sighed and shook her head again.



“That’s not how this works, Holly.”



“I know that.”



“So then why are you frustrated?”



“I… I want to win.”



“So does everybody else.”



“I know that, too.”



“Then I’m not seeing why you are frustrated. You’re a tall sack of sad right now and I don’t like it.”



“I just don’t know what to do.”



Lizzie looked at me like I had three heads. She couldn’t understand this borderline defeatist attitude I had developed.



“Holly, let me ask you a question, what do you want to do when you go wrestle?”



“To win.”



“And when you don’t?”



“It’s frustrating. Lizzie, I’m not… I’m not you.”



Lizzie looked at me puzzled.



“Not me?”



“Right. I’m not you. I can’t be cool and collected all the time. I can’t just effortless adapt to every single situation like you can. Your cool, I’m not. I’m just hitting that wall and I don’t know what to do.”



“Holly, you don’t have to be me. You have to be you. I can’t be you either. I wish I was tall like you and I didn’t have to climb cabinets to get shit high up, but I do. You have gifts, you just have to figure out how to use them. Don’t try and be me.”



“Well, humor me for a second.”



“Sure…”



“If you were in my position what would you do?”



Lizzie paused for brief second and then shrugged.



“Go back out and try it again next time.”



I looked for more than that, but nothing else was coming. Lizzie just said it matter-of-factly and sipped her coffee.



“That’s it?”



“That’s it.”



“That doesn’t really help me.”



“Holly, listen to me. You have choices in this. You can sit there and mope, or you can go out there and try again. That’s up to you.”



“But what happens if I lose again?”



“Then you go back out and try again next time. Or you don’t. You have to make a choice.”



“And?”



“And what? You either do something, or you do nothing. I can’t do that for you.”



“What if the choice is worse than before?”



“Then it’s worse, but at least you tried something. You see what I’m getting at here?”



After a second it did actually click in my head what Lizzie was trying to tell me.



“So, you’re saying that so long as I don’t give up, it’s good?”



“Exactly. Or, you can give up and if you’re cool with that, do that. I’m not your supervisor.”



“Why do you do this to me?”



“Because you love me for it. And it’s the only way you learn. I’ve been around you long enough to know that.”



Lizzie was right. I need to do something.



“I’ll take it under advisement.”



“Isn’t that why you asked me here?”



“Yes, and no.”



“What’s that supposed to mean? Stop talking in riddles and haikus. I hate when you do that.”



“I know.”



Lizzie nodded and smirked



“And… that’s why you do it, isn’t it?”



“Yes.”



“Then, why else did you ask me here?”



“Just to see you in person again. It’s been a long time and I know we’ve caught up over facetime and everything but, you know, sometimes you just need to see a face that you haven’t for a while.”



“Well, I can’t miss you if you won’t go away.”



“I’ll take that as a compliment.”



“You better. Just… listen Holly, you just need to relax. You’re alive right? That’s progress isn’t it?”



“Yeah, I guess.”



“And when you were really bad off, you know what you did to get out of it?”



“I mean… I started working out again.”



“It was something. You could have done nothing and stayed down bad, but you got up, right? Something. That’s really what you need to do. Just do something.”





“I get it. I’ll do something.”



Lizzie is my friend, believe it or not. She’s just different from Mimi or Roxi or other people I talk to regularly. Lizzie is just that one friend who pushes you when you don’t want to be pushed and tells you not what you want to hear, but what you need to hear.



Even if sometimes she’s a pain, she’s exactly what I needed.





- - -

Let’s do this.

- - -



Holly:

I don’t know what else to really say at this point. My frustration is growing day by day, and I’ve almost become numb to it. Part of me just wants to crawl in a hole and bury my head in the sand and whatever other saying there is out there and just disappear. I have had it with this losing thing. I’ve been trying really, really hard to keep a positive face on this, and it’s just been pissing me off more and more. Maybe it’s called the rookie wall or something. Maybe it’s a slump, I don’t really know, and at this point, I don’t want to know. All I do know is that it is incredibly frustrating. I guess I’m supposed to take solace in the fact that I didn’t get pinned last week. I didn’t take the L completely, is that it? That really doesn’t help me at all. It’s for the birds, I say. There’s only so many times I can pick up and just try again, before it becomes a moot point. There is a big part of me that didn’t even want to bother with this little interview and just walk into Victory VIII and just lose again, because that’s all I seem to be doing these days. I feel like I let so many down and it just seems like a never ending black hole and I was never going to get any better than I am now. Part of me thought at one point that all of this, was a waste my time and Pro wrestling EXCELLENCE’s time and effort because all I was going to do was fail.



I have been in this dark place before and it scares me. I have been here in this place where I felt trapped and hopeless with no way out. The whole world was black, dark and gloomy. Every day felt like the worst day of my life and there were times I didn’t want to drag myself out of bed to fucking shower. It owned my life, and it took me YEARS to get out it.



And I swore I was never going to go back there again.



I have put so much positivity in my life to avoid it from happening again. I did everything I could to never go back to that darkness, because I almost lost myself in it. I almost lost myself, and my life, because I just didn’t care. So that makes this very important to me. I have dug myself out of that hole, and so, after a while, I put this into perspective that losing these matches wasn’t the end of the world, while frustrating, I cannot let this beat me. I cannot let this suck me down into that hole again. It took me far too long last time to dig myself out of it. I just can’t be letting this kind of thing get me down to the point I can’t function. Never again.



So, now, we attack this upcoming match, with a different vibe.



- - -



Chelsea Skye



- - -



Holly:

Chelsea, You are a great young woman and I can appreciate that you have found love and you’ve got a band and all that is working out for you. It’s great. I’m a little jealous you have so much going for you. I see that and I want that, but I realize that things are different with me. I need to focus on me these days and not the outside world. I have to take things one day at a time because that’s just how my life is. You don’t have that problem and I envy you for it. I wish I had that kind of life at times, but you know, I have a life that I have, and I’m happy with that. Life is life, love is love and all that jazz. I’m genuinely happy for you right now.



But let’s just face the truth of the situation here Chelsea, I am desperate for a win. I can’t continue to go backwards, despite all the crap I’ve been swallowing, I don’t have choices in the matter. I have to beat you, because quite frankly I’m tired of swallowing my pride and just accepting that I’m not as good as other people. I’ve tried to push all that to the side, but its the elephant in the room, if I don’t beat you, then what is there left for me? If I fall short yet again, how much do I really need to do at that point? I’m through just accepting that as a fact of life. I’ve had my fill of that and I’m just tired of it.



But, you know that feeling too. And you know what I’m going to do in this match, it’s not a secret, I doing have those multi-dimensions just yet. My job is get you in the ring and throw you around until you cannot take it anymore. I don’t have to hide that, and I don’t have to sit back and wonder how you will counter and if you will counter. I know you will try to do so. It’s power vs. speed. You have to be on your high horse the whole match. Because one slip, one stumble, and I will be on you like a horror movie villain. We both know exactly what this is and there’s no need to beat around the bush about it.



The real question is, how long can you run for? How long can you keep up that pace? Because at this point, I will be the most relentless person you have ever faced. I’m not just fighting you, or wrestling you, because we can have a good match. That’s only part of it, the idea is to win, and you have to run for a long time to escape me. Sooner or later Chelsea, you will run out of gas. You will tire and you will slow down. It’s just the nature of things. And in that moment, when you run out of gas, and when you have nothing left, I’ll still be chasing you. You think that because I am bigger than you that I’m slower than you, or I don’t have the stamina? I run miles all the time, while you are playing guitar. I train to be as fit as possible and I train to go long distances. Are you really training that much Chelsea? I mean, maybe the games you are your girlfriend play can be considered cardio, but trust me, when I get you on the mat, it will not be as exciting as when your girlfriend does. It will be painful. If you want to rely on your speed to carry you through this match, it’s not going to work out for you. Because I’m patient. I’ve proven that since I’ve been in Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE. I’ve proven that I have the stamina to go for a long time. Do you have that Chelsea? Because I don’t see it.



They put you against a cat last time out and if you think that because you beat a cat that it’s the same thing as fighting me, you are in for a rude awakening. I will not hesitate to put you down if you give me any time to. You have to hit and run, but you can’t run forever, and I can guarantee you cannot hit me as hard as you think you can. I’ve been getting hit in PWE since day one like you. I’ve been smacked over the back with weapons and fallen off ladders. So you had better get your act together and actually start working for this match, because otherwise, it will not end well for you.



In fact, I think it’s a little late in the game for you to be just now trying to get yourself in shape. You have been too busy playing tunes and doing kinky shit with your girl to understand that I am not this cat you just wrestled, but if given the chance, I may claw your eyes like the cat probably wanted to. You had better be serious come Monday night, because if you’re not, this is going to be worse for you than it would be if you were ready. I’m still going to beat you in the ring, but believe me when I say, It’s not a personal thing. I don’t have anything against you as a person, I just need to win this match.



I was right there, and so close to being in contention for a championship match of some kind and then boom, all of it, was taken away from me. Do you know what that’s like Chelsea? Do you know how infuriating it is to be within arms reach of a really great thing, only to fall flat on your face?



If not, you will soon enough. I’m going to beat you Chelsea, and I’m going to do it right in the middle of the ring. I will chase you, I will catch you, and I will beat you.



Count on it.



- - -



Wrap it up.



- - -



Holly:

It’s time to start getting back to where I know I should be, and to be the person I know I can be. I will not let my frustrations beat me, and I will not let Chelsea Skye beat me either. I’m coming to Victory VIII to get all this back on track.



See you really soon, Chelsea.