Reboot

It was back to the drawing board, and I didn’t want to go there.



I tried desperately to make the holidays wash the sour taste out of my mouth when it comes to wrestling. 2021 was ending on a terrible note for me and even seeing family and friends over the holidays didn’t erase it from the back of my mind. The feeling was terrible, and although it was nice to have that feeling of being with family initially, the six hours or so they spent there wasn’t enough. Soon, that was replaced as the presents were unwrapped and laughs and drinks were exchanged. My uncle Eddie wanted to spend time with me all of a sudden again, mainly because I was wrestling again and had money. He always needed money, and it felt also sickening that this man was trying to get money from me around the holidays.



But I was in the Christmas spirit and helped him out.



Whatever, now it was back to trying to right this ship before it sank.



I spent so much time just trying to figure out what I was doing wrong.



I didn’t know.



Rich was training with me the whole time and he never wanted to breach the subject. It lead to some uncomfortable training days, but I think Rich was trying to make me do it. If Rich told me to do one thing it would be too easy. This wasn’t like working out or training, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do that. But is there a right way and a wrong way to gain success in the ring? I said and did all the right things, didn’t I? I never took a shortcut or tried to do something that wasn’t right.



And each and every time, it bit me in the ass.



I tried to show how much things had changed, and then I remembered how everyone just said I was plain old Holly, and I wanted to embrace that. Things in my life made me vanilla and to me, it was okay, but for others, it probably was just… there. I needed to do something different. I needed to change things.





But first, I needed to get all this stuff out of my system before I could start anew. I want angry, and I needed to vent.



So, let’s vent.





- - -



On Camera:



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Holly:

I’m not sure what exactly you want me to say at this point. What am I supposed to talk about here? I am angry and frustrated at everything right now, so really, there isn’t much to say about the last show. I lost, and got pinned. What more can I really say about it? How much good can I really take from the match? It’s getting old to sit here and tell you that I’ve gained some experience from the match and I’m taking the good with the bad and everything that comes with it. It’s all cliche and I’m getting pretty god-damn tired of saying these things and not getting the results I want. I completely understand that it’s not going to be a walk in the park, and there the competition in Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE is top tier. I wasn’t expecting it to be easy. But I feel like I’ve said and done all the right things, never stepped out of line, and yet, people just walk in and snatch things from me. I always feel like I’ve done a good job, but those words are starting to ring really, really hollow these days. So, there’s really not much left to even say at this point. I’m just so tired of all this. Especially when I do the work and then people just say what they say right after I say it, and then reap the rewards.



I mean, I’m trying, trying to be good here and be a good sport and learn and grow each and every time, but shit, there’s only so many times the “great job” and the pat on the back can comfort a loss. It doesn’t make it any better, it’s only a cushion AFTER the fact. I feel like I’m doing everything right. But obviously, I must be doing something wrong to keep falling short. I wish I knew what it was.



And before it gets twisted around and I’ll called a whiner or a cry-baby, I am simply venting my frustrations, I know this is a lost art and any complaint anymore makes is just a “hot take” or being a “snowflake” or whatever the word is today for simply having a passion for something. This is something I want to be good at, and something I am working towards. I understand that I’m not always going to win every single time out, but dammit, I have passion for this, I know I can be one of the best, and I know I SHOULD be on that path now, but shit this seems like it’s going to take forever. That’s what this means to me and that’s how I am treating it.



Look, let me just get everyone in this match and get back to planning out the new year.



- - -



T.J. Alexander



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Holly:

I imagine that you feel like I do, T.J. the anger and frustration about not picking up wins when you think you said. I’m right here with you on that. To believe that you are better than what you are showing is something I think haunts us all but TJ you and I are pretty much in the same boat. You want so bad to show everyone what you can do and at the end of the day, you come up short. So you know how it feesl like you are at the bottom of the barrel. I may have a couple more wins than you do currently, but make no mistake, those are against one person. And right now, Xaria Linette is still a great talent, but at the end of the day, she was being attacked and wasn’t focused one me, so I can’t sit here and say that she and I were locked in on one another and one person came out at the end looking good. It wasn’t her, and I’m not going to sit here and take credit for having this happen.



But you TJ have been in some great matches and have come up short. I know you’re like me where that’s starting to not be enough, right? I’m not the only one here thinking about how little meaning that phrase is starting to have right? Isn’t it getting pretty god-damn irritating to you as well? Well, if it hasn’t, I feel for you, but you know what? I’m going to use that to my advantage. I’m tired of losing. I’m tired of that empty feeling of doing so well and having things just snatched from you. And I know a lot of people aren’t winning all the time, nobody does, but the fact is, I’m worried about myself, and I’m going to do everything I can to get myself back on track. I mean, no offense is meant to TJ, in this but if you think that you are going to get your first win because you are wrestling me? That is not happening. I’m done getting the pat on the back for a loss, TJ. You may have your sights set on 2022 being your year, but so does everybody else. I may be out to have a good 2022, but I plan on making mine a reality and if that comes at your expense TJ, that’s just how it’s going to be.



Maybe you are just better at this than me and you think that losses aren’t that big of a deal, and in the grand scheme of things, maybe you are right, but I’m focused on the here and now, and in the here and now I need to win, period. There’s no other acceptable outcome for this match for me, TJ. I’m fucking through, with heading backstage and having to live with multiple losses and just picking it up all and trying again the next time. I can’t do that again. At least not without something to go on. And that’s where this match comes in. This match, I’m sorry to tell you this TJ, will be yet another loss for you, and I’m getting back on track.





- - -



Caity Dawson-Cruz



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Holly:

From what I have seen of Caity, which isn’t much, notably, there might be something there, I just don’t know. The only match she has had is a multi-person match which she didn’t win. So that is not really anything to go on coming into this match. It’s kind of hard to scout someone who has had one match, and at this point, is pretty much part time as far as I know. So without much to go on here, it’s kind of hard for me to sit down and say that they have this strength or this weakness and I need to exploit them. It’s almost impossible when you think about it. I had to go on the only match I have seen, and there’s not a lot there. But you know what? There’s an air of mystery to these type of things and I’m okay with that. I like the challenge of facing the unknown. God knows I’ve been fighting that for a long time, and most of the time diving head-first into it. Maybe that’s the problem anymore with me. Maybe I’m trying too hard to take that extra step and just go for it? Maybe that’s the ticket to this. Does it really matter who’s in front of me at this point? Does it really matter the strengths and weaknesses? All that really matters is that they are my opponent and I have to beat them. Nothing else really matters for me at this point. They can be big, small, short, fat, tall, skinny, it doesn’t matter. I mean, I KNOW Caity isn’t particularly tall or fat or skinny, she’s a normal person. That doesn’t change what I have to do.





I am looking forward to stepping into the ring with Caity, but I am also focused on one thing, and that’s winning. I don’t know about whatever ritual she was talking about previously, but I know that this ritual had better not include winning this match, because that’s reserved for me. I know what I have to do, and if Caity is some kind of witch or something, then so be it. I know Halloween was a couple of a months ago, but I’ve got to overcome all kinds of issues in order to win. And if this is one of them, fine. I will beat a witch and move on. For me, there isn’t really a time to sit here and worry about magic spells or something. This is about one thing and one thing only. Sometimes in life, you just have to say “fuck it.” and move on. I’m sorry, I try not to cuss too much, but this means a lot to me. Maybe this is what everybody meant when they said I shouldn’t be vanilla anymore. Maybe stuff like this is what people want to see. So, yeah, I’m not a robot. But I will beat Caity just as systematically as one if that helps people feel better.





- - -



Ruby Steele



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Holly:

Ruby is making her debut and I have to say that her track record is pretty impressive elsewhere. She has been very successful in the ring and that’s something I have to contend with. But that’s almost everyone I wrestle at this point. All of them have an experience edge on me, and that’s going to be an issue for a long time. I am erasing some of that each time I go out there, but no matter what, it’s going to take time. I read up on Ruby and apparently she’s from the U.K. and that’s cool. She’s also very small. I am literally like a foot taller than her. So, the goal is clear, she must be cornered and beaten down. She must be stopped from jumping all over the place and diving everywhere, otherwise there is going to be a problem.



You know, me from like a month ago would be very pleased to welcome Ruby into the fold. A month ago, I would have been all about being a friend to Ruby and see what she can do in the ring in Pro Wrestling EXCELLENCE. That would have been something I wanted to do, but now, that seems played out. It’s tired now, very few people are here to welcome people anymore, and people seem to have ulterior motives for doing it in the first place. So, I need to be blunt with Ruby here and just say that once the bell rings, all that pleasant stuff is going right out the window. I’m in this match to get back to some form of winning ways. There’s no two ways about it. Ruby, you are now the enemy and someone I must beat in order to get back on track. That’s what this whole thing has been about anyway. I have to stop being nice, normal Holly, and in the ring, I have to be decisive and better. It’s not a personal thing, it’s just business. I just have to act like it’s personal because let’s face it, we are after the same thing. A win and a good impression. Well, as I learned when I debuted, you can make a great impression and still lose. And that’s what is in store for you. I’m going to beat you, and TJ and Caity and get back the spot I have lost during the past month, and get back into contention for… I don’t know… anything at this point. You can shine all you want, you can be a rockstar or whatever it is you are outside the ring, but inside, I’m going to do my damnedest to make sure that you are not a winner. I am coming into this match, feeling like I am at my wits end. Have you ever felt like that, Ruby? If you have, then you will understand my mindset coming into this match, and why, right now, I am in a must-win situation. And you are in the wrong place, at the wrong time.





- - -



Wrap it up.



- - -



Holly:

Look, to the three of you, I am wrestling with my back up against the wall. I don’t have any other way to go but forward, and that means I have to go through the three of you to get what I want. And I’m about done with letting people take things from me, this time, I’m going to do the taking and go after the things I want to go after. I need to be as aggressive as I should have been from the get-go. That’s the new plan now. I will make that shit work now. I’m done with all that happened beforehand. It’s in the past and this is the future. This is going to be 2022 Holly Rhodes. I will rebound from what the end of 2021 was, and 2022 will give everyone the Holly they were expecting. I can’t be wishy-washy anymore, and when things are wrong, I will call attention to them, and losing these matches and being cast aside, in my opinion, is wrong, and I will stand up for what I believe is right.



I don’t try and make too many resolutions for New Year’s, but in this case, I have to make an exception. I can’t sit here and live day by day and just be thankful for the opportunity anymore. I have been handed the opportunity too many times and I have let it slip through my fingers every single time. I lost in my hometown, I lost a big triple threat match. I lost the chance to be the first EXCELLENCE and Impulse champion. Time and time again, I wasn’t ready to seize that moment and it was taken from me.



I’m not going to let that happen anymore. I’m done being this mild-mannered person. I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just going to be assertive. It’s quite obvious a chance needed to be made, and so, I will make one. Is it the right one? I’m not sure right now, only time will tell for sure, but from where I am standing right now? It sure as hell feels like a positive change. One I am more than comfortable with currently. I can’t be old Holly anymore, and right now it feels like a giant weight has been lifted from my chest. I feel better now, more focused and more determined than ever. I will not let the losses define the new Holly. They are what the old Holly was more than willing to let hang around. Not me, not anymore. This Holly, this new one, she is playing for keeps and ready to get back into the fray and make my own opportunities.



I’m not going to be quiet anymore. As a matter of fact, I’m going to be one of the loudest voices in the room, and I will make as much noise as possible to get where I need to go.



2021 is gone.



2022 is now.