Sunday, September 12th, 2021 - 8:47PMSan Diego, California<< The scene opens up inside of a dingy and tattered wrestling locker room, one unfamiliar to the fans of Pro Wrestling Excellence. Clearly, we found ourselves at an independent wrestling show. While many feel that Pro Wrestling Excellence was certainly the new pinnacle of the professional wrestling business, you would be remiss if you discredited the impact that local indie wrestling had on the industry. Tonight's "arena" was a local community center in the heart of San Diego, California, filled with over 100 die hard fans who had gathered to bare witness to indie wrestling's finest athletes - or in the case of California Golden Wrestling, whoever was available and within their budget. Behind a series of black tarps that acted as a barrier for the locker room from the audience, was a plethora of wrestlers, each of them varying in talent and experience. In the ring were local stand-outs Bruce Martinez and Shannon Kendrick, who were undeniably having a great match that the crowd was very much into. But that wasn't the focus of our attention this evening. Sulking in the locker room was the wrestler known as Kid Perfect, one of independent wrestling's fastest rising stars. Normally, you would find this young man joking around and being the center of attention in the locker room, but not tonight.
Tonight, Kid Perfect was upset because his opponent sucked.
That's truly the only way to put it.
Despite Kid Perfect's best efforts, he just couldn't get a good match out of the guy. His opponent tonight was "La Pistola" Dominic Romero, a young Hispanic man from LA who was just breaking into the business. During the match, Dominic was clearly gassed and didn't have the cardio to hang in the ring with someone as skilled as Kid Perfect, and it showed. Perfect was really hoping for a great bout tonight, as it was in his hometown and he relished in making his hometown haters eat their words. But that wasn't the case tonight. Tonight, he was matched up against an opponent that simply couldn't hang with him.
Behind the makeshift curtain sat Kid Perfect on a steel chair, head up against the wall and a towel over his head. His boots were untied, but still on and he was still sitting in his ring gear. He had his cell phone in his hand and was mashing away at his keyboard. Suddenly, an older gentlemen in a polo shirt walked up to Kid and handed him an envelope with his name on it, quite obviously his pay for the evening. This man was Shane Stevenson, the promoter of California Golden Wrestling - a 24 year veteran of the indie wrestling circuits, and he looked every bit of it. The grizzled veteran spit a bit of tobacco into a water bottle that he was using as a spit cup, and looked towards KP and began to speak. >>
'the booker man' SHANE STEVENSON: Hey, pal, I'm not going to beat around the bush here - what's all this I hear about 'ya blowin' up on Dominic after your match? You know that ain't how we handle things, bud.
<< Kid Perfect locked his iPhone and scoffed, tossing the phone into his gear bag that was sitting at his feet. He rolled his eyes and looked at the promoter before turning his attention to the envelope that was just handed to him. The young man eyes the promoter and is instantly reminded of how shady wrestling promoters can be, so he decides to look into the envelope, just to be sure ALL of the booking fee was in there. After counting, KP nodded and tossed the envelope into his bag and turned his attention back to the promoter. >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Did that pussy really go run and tell on me? Oh, the group chat will get a kick out of this one ... He's upset that I yelled at him for blowing that match to high hell? ..Umm, yeah, Shane - I absolutely yelled at Dominic and if he was here, I'd yell at him again! But he's not here .. you're here instead, so I'm going to yell at you! Shane, you idiot! I imagine you have to have some sort of sense because you booked me to appear on this show in the first place! But, after procuring my services .. you WASTE my talents on a piece of trash like Dominic Romero?! You couldn't bring in anyone for me to wrestle .. HERE, IN MY HOME TOWN? No, you stick me with some jabroni who couldn't last five minutes in the ring with me. How am I supposed to shine when I'm only in the ring for FIVE minutes, Shane? It takes me longer to put my damn gear on! C'mon, man!
<< Holy hell, the sheer arrogance of this guy is astounding. Even the promoter, who has dealt with Kid Perfect for a few years now, is blown away by the ego on him today. Another gob of spit into the spit bottle by Shane and a chuckle to himself, as Shane looks down at KP, who has picked up his phone and continues to scroll through Twitter, entirely detached from reality. >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Look, man - perfect example of why I'm pissed - there's no .GIFs! I'm not seeing a single .GIF of my match tonight on the TL! So what the hell am I supposed to use on Twitter to get myself over now, Shane? I know what I just said was probably like a foreign language to you, goober - but this wrestling shit is important to me and I'm damn good at it, and I don't appreciate being put in the ring with guys who can't lace my beautiful boots. I'm telling you now, Shane - if you don't start booking me in better matches, I'll just keep my ass at home and play Madden all weekend. I don't need you. You really need me, don't you forget that ... Now, I'm not going to complain about my pay, because for once, you've actually held up your end of the deal. But I do think you should throw a little extra in here for having to teach your golden boy Dominic to school tonight. << Kid Perfect scoffs, and shakes his head. He rolls his eyes and sarcastically continues. >> Wait, wait, wait - tell you what - don't pay me extra. Instead, take that money and put it in Dominic's envelope and tell the poor schmuck to invest in a gym membership, because he sure as shit needs it! And if he doesn't like it, you can tell him to come and see me personally instead of running off and telling on me. Pussy.
<< Another glob of dip spit into the bottle from the promoter, who stares at Kid Perfect and is clearly dumbfounded by the young athlete. His eleven brain cells are working overtime, trying to make heads or tails of what KP's been saying. He slowly sighs and shakes his head before turning around and walking away. >>
'the booker man' SHANE STEVENSON: You really are a prick, bud.
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Yeah, well --
<< Kid Perfect again rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders. As the promoter walked away, Kid Perfect began to remove his wrestling attire, starting with his boots. From down the hallway, the promoter shouted towards Kid. >>
'the booker man' SHANE STEVENSON: See you on October 2nd...?
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: ...Fuckin' fine, I guess.
<< Kid Perfect yells back at the promoter, agreeing to perpetuate the cycle of wrestling against schmucks. He sighs deeply, knowing that he really has no other choice but to continue grinding and putting in the work towards getting noticed and eventually signed. This is pro wrestling purgatory. He kicks off his boots and wraps a towel around his waist, using it to cover himself up as he changes out of his wrestling trunks and into normal basketball shorts. Kid Perfect is clearly very annoyed, and it's evident by him throwing his gear into his gear bag. Suddenly, his iPhone began to ring. Sighing, he grabbed the phone and answered the call, placing it on a speaker while continuing to gather his belongings. >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Hey, Meadow - how's it goin', babe?
'the brat' MEADOW THOMAS: Not too bad, just ready to head home. Work sucked tonight, but when doesn't it? I'm so ready to get home and crack open some wine. How did your match go tonight?
<< Uh oh, time to relive that trauma. Kid sighs and shakes his head, still collecting his belongings and getting things situated in his gear bag. He's still clearly very angry, and Meadow might have just re-opened the wound. >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Good fuckin' Lord, this guy I had to wrestle tonight was just the drizzling shits. No business being in my ring, but what else is new, ya' know? I'm so fuckin' sick of these weekend warriors, Mead. All I really want is some competition, is that too much to ask for? ... Anyway .. I'll be home in like an hour or two .. you still going to be awake?
'the brat' MEADOW THOMAS: Yeah, I'll be here. I'm just going to watch some TV and let my brain rot for a little while. After the week I've had, I can really use it. I'm sorry that your match didn't work out well. I know how frustrating it can be, especially when you're paired up with talent that isn't up t--
<< Kid's iPhone again began to ring and vibrate, indicating that he was getting another call. Kid was quick to interrupt Meadow, something that she loathed about him. >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Oh, damn - lemme call you back in a second, alright? Skip is calling me.
<< Before she can say anything, KP switches over to a call with his manager, agent, social media specialist, merchandizer and pretty much everything in between - Skip Bradford. Kid, again, put the call on speaker and rested the phone next to him as he folded up his gear nicely, and placed it into his gear bag. >>
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: KP, let me ask you something .. two years ago, when you went into business with me - didn't I tell you that I was going to take you to new heights? Unprecedented heights? Didn't I tell you that you would NOT regret going into business with me? Didn't I tell you that I wa--
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Hey, what the hell is this about? Why don't you land it already, buddy?
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: Oh .. someone's a little sensitive tonight. What's wrong? How did your match go tonight?
<< Oh boy, here we go again. Kid closes his eyes a bit, bites his lip and clinches his fist, doing everything in his power to avoid launching into another tirade about his piss poor match tonight. >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: ...You know what, man - I don't want to talk about it. What the hell were you talking about earlier? New heights?
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: NEW HEIGHTS! The tippy top, KP! I'm talkin' the mountain top! Are you sitting down right now? Well, fuck it - I don't care if you are or aren't. I've already spent a minute on the phone with you and we've talked about nothing else except for your shitty match. Yeah, that's right - I heard about it. Get good, pal. Anyway - look .. I, Skip Bradford - the world's premiere sports agent, got you - Kid Perfect - the Essence of Excellence - a match with ...
<< ... The tension builds as Skip pauses for dramatic effect ..
.. Still waiting ..
... STILL waiting ... >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: GOD DAMN IT, IF YOU DON'T SPIT IT OUT...!
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: ... Pro Wrestling Excellence!
<< For once, Kid Perfect's was speechless. His mouth was agape, and it's clear that he had to take a few seconds to process that. Suddenly, his expression changed and he chuckled a little bit and smiled to himself, coyly. >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: It's ... about fucking time! What took them so long? The Essence of Excellence with Pro Wrestling Excellence .. it just makes sense. It's a match made in heaven, baby! When's the show?
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: In two weeks or so! And guess what? This is the cherry on top - you're debuting on episode three of Victory - filmed right here in San Diego! You're the hometown hero, baby!
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Oh .. Skip, I don't give a shit about this city. If you're expecting me to go out there with a Padres jersey on something, you're sorely mistaken. This city is trash and so are the people in it. But you know, maybe I can be a beacon of hope for them. Like, maybe they'll look at me and say "wow, he got out of this dump of a town .. maybe I can, too!" But look .. holy shit, I'm fuckin' stoked. It's about time, Skip. It's finally happening - these companies are finally starting to take notice of me. It only took them four years, but better late than never! And props to you for doing your thing and getting the deal done. Do me a favor and e-mail me the finer points and I'll catch up with you in a bit. I got some business that I've got to handle.
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: Alright, you got it, champ. Hey, let me know what color gear you want to rock for Victory, I'll have the seamstress start on it ASAP. Take care!
<< Kid Perfect ended the call and held his phone in his hand, looking off into the distance with a satisfied look on his face. After four years of chasing an opportunity to be featured on national television, he had finally done it. It was a proud moment for the young man who one day dreamed of this moment. He stood up, only wearing basketball shorts and ran down the hall. He quickly found the promoter of the event, Shane Stevenson and interrupted his conversation. >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Hey, Shane! You know how I just agreed to do that show in October?
'the booker man' SHANE STEVENSON: ... Yea?
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: .. Um .. I can't do it.
'the booker man' SHANE STEVENSON: What? Well, why the hell not?
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Well .. Because ... I got signed, bitch! HAHAHA! I'M OUT OF THIS SHIT HOLE! I GOT SIGNED BABY! PRO WRESTLING EXCELLENCE SUPERSTAR Kid Perfect has a hell of a ring to it, don't it? HAHAHA! EAT MY ASS, SHANE! I'M DONE WITH THESE TINY SCHMUCK SHOWS! I'M OFF TO THE BIG TIME!
<< Kid Perfect cackles loudly, burning a bridge less than a minute after receiving the news of his new contract. Shane was dumbfounded, and looked both confused and irritated. Kid Perfect runs out of the hallway back towards his belongings and scoops up his duffle bag and slings it over his shoulder. He kicks a steel chair over, just for the hell of it. He marches through the locker room and stops right at the exit, only stopping to turn to a group of his fellow wrestlers and offers a bit of advice. >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Boys, I'm off to the show now.. You guys keep doing what you're doing. Working hard, putting in the hours at training .. I'm sure things will work out for ya'. ... A bit of advice, though? ... << Kid Perfect winks at the group of wrestlers who are listening intently. It seems like KP might be sincere, for once. >> ... Try to actually get good. If any of you had a lick of talent, you'd be on your way up to the top like I am. But you're not. You all suck so much, that it truly is painful to watch your matches. Ha! Bon voyage, dickbags!
<< In one of the most arrogant displays, Kid Perfect looks over the group of wrestlers and scoffs loudly, before turning his attention back to the set of double doors marked "Exit" in front of him. Using his right boot, KP kicked the door open and triumphantly walked out of what he believed would be his last independent wrestling event. Beaming with pride, Kid Perfect walked through the parking lot towards his vehicle. He fished his keys out of his pocket and opened the door to a 2019 Ford Mustang - because, of course a cocky asshole like KP would drive a Mustang. He opens up his backseat and tosses his bag into the car, shutting the door behind it. He jumps into the driver's seat, puts the key in the ignition and turns the engine over. KP puts on his seatbelt, when suddenly his iPhone again begins to ring. His iPhone syncs up via Bluetooth after Kid picks up. >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Oh! There he is, the brains of the operation! What's up, Skip? Hey, before I forget - what size watch are you? I wanted to get you a little something as a way of saying thanks for this contract that you pulled off.
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: Heh .. I .. I - uh - I don't know my watch size. Hey, KP .. erm .. I got some news that I think you should know about.
<< Skip sounds super nervous and Kid is clearly picking up on it. Perfect's tone switches from that of gratitude to one of anger. >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Ah, shit! What did you do? You fucked it up already?!
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: Hey, I didn't screw anything up, alright! Take it easy! Give me some damn credit, will ya? That contract is iron clad .. Look .. It's just that I thought I negotiated your debut match to be a singles match .. but it's actually a Fatal Four Way match.
<< A small sigh escapes from Kid Perfect, out of relief. >>
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: ... Okay, that's not so bad. Obviously a singles match is preferred, but I can live with a Fatal Four Way. Alright, we'll make do and I'll just game plan to make sure that I get as much camera time as possible. Ya' know with 3 other dudes in the ring, it might be kind of hard to stand out and get the spotlight. But c'mon .. we all know that I'm a star that's meant to shine, so I'm sure I won't have any issues. Alright, Skip - no biggie - a Fatal Four Way match for my debut .. we'll make it work. Those three guys are done for!
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: Yeah .. Yeah .. About that though .. So, it's not three guys. It's .. uhh .. it's a little different. So .. the first person in the match is a female. A girl named Angel, actually.
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: A female in a match with me? ... I mean .. I guess? It's 2021, I'm not going to act like we're in 1984 in some southern territory. I'm hip to what's happening in the scene right now, Skip. I know inter-gender matches are hot right now and if this Angel wants to make a name for herself by stepping into the ring with three bad dudes .. well, good for her, I guess. Gender bias be damned, I'm still kicking that bitch right in the face. You got the scouting report on this broad?
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: I do, actually. She calls herself "Angel" and she's from the "Darkest Carnival".
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: AH SHIT, SHE'S A JUGGALO?! C'MON!
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: No, I don't think so!
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: She better not be, Skip. You know how I feel about .. those people.
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: I know, I know. I think she's like a witch or something. I'm not entirely sure. There's this weird priest involved. Lots of crazy demonic stuff. I don't trust it for a second, KP. It's spooky shit, man. I'd recommend staying as far away from her as possible. Might be the best strategy. But .. look, your other opponent .. it's not a guy, either. The second person in the match is another girl named Ashley Whitmore.
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Oh! I know that chick! I've seen her on Twitter before, she's a babe but damn she's insufferable, man. And coming from me .. that's sayin' something! She's, like, a total bitch, dude. Ah, - I really don't want to have to beat this chick's ass, because once I knock her out, I'll never hear the end of it on social media from her and her simps. This isn't good, Skip. I'm suddenly freakin' Andy Kaufman over here with this intergender stuff, I guess? Gah .. c'mon. Get it over with. Spit it out. What flavor-of-the-week chick wrestler is rounding things out? Who's the 4th entrant?
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: Hmmm .. how do I put this? ..
<< Suspense builds.. >>
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: You're wrestling a cat.
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: What do you mean? Like a cat gimmick? Like that dude from St Louis who dresses up like a cat, PowerCat?
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: No, I mean like .. an actual cat.
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: What do you mean ... an actual cat?
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: What the fuck aren't you understanding, KP? Like an actual cat that goes meow, meow and drinks milk from a saucer!
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: ... A fucking cat..?
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: Yes, a fucking cat. Look, I don't know .. I didn't do a whole scouting report on this cat, but his name is Ollie.
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: ... I'm wrestling Ollie the cat?
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: That's Ollie Dorito, the cat, actually. And yes, you're wrestling Ollie Dorito, the cat. I don't know what to tell you. Go get some cat nip or something, pal.
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Nah, you're fucking with me. This is a rib and you're going to bust my balls because you made me think I was wrestling a cat. It's like that time that you told me that I was wrestling a bear, but it was just a big buff dude. I'm not falling for that shit again.
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: KP, I'm 1000% serious - it's an actual cat. Maybe you can hit it with the ole "pspspspspsps", and see if you can beat it that way? I'm not sure I've got a strategy for you, Kid.
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: An ACTUAL cat?
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: Holy shit, we're going in circles here. Like this fuckin' cat, chasing a laser pointer or something. Yes, you're wrestling an actual cat on episode three of Victory. An actual cat and two other female athletes. This phone call is going nowhere, so just try to get some rest, watch some footage on your opponents and I'll see you at the gym sometime this week.
'the essence of excellence' KID PERFECT: Watch some footage? What, you want me to watch Animal Planet or something?! I'm leaving this damn indie scene because of a lack of competition and you tell me that I'm going to "new heights" and "greener pastures" .. but now I'm finding out that I'm wrestling a god damn kitten! Look .. I guess I'll just show up at Victory and see what happens. I don't care if they're a man, a woman, a feline or anything in between .. when they step into the ring with Kid Perfect, they just don't compare.
'super agent' SKIP BRADFORD: I gotta go. I have to call PETA to try to get ahead of the fiasco that this will be.
<< And with that, the phone call was ended. Kid Perfect sat in the driver seat of his car, befuddled and astounded that his shot at the big time would be against a feline and two females. >>
